Crimes of Fashion

Monday Morning Mysteries

It’s Monday morning, and The Fashion Police have some mysteries to solve. Namely:

See through dress

Mystery 1. The mysterious case of the missing skirt
This model. Why is she out in her knickers, plus a tulle underskirt? What happened to her skirt? Is there some kind of evil Skirt Snatcher plaguing Fashion Land? Does he – or, indeed, she, because fashion crime can be committed by anyone, people, remember that – have any connection to our old nemesis, The Foot Snatcher? We’re going to open a file: if you hear of any snatched skirts, remember to call The Fashion Police…

Mystery 2. The fact that this exists:

Pants with holesWe didn’t need the Peep Toe Boot Rule* to tell us that these trousers were a fashion crime, did we? There’s just so much fail in this outfit that it makes us wish we hadn’t gotten out of bed this morning. The fact that there’s so much that is wrong crammed into just the bottom half of the outfit also makes us deeply concerned about the top half. What is it that we’re NOT getting to see here?

This mystery, at least, is one that we’re able to solve right away, because here’s what BooHoo suggest you “wear with” these:

However, now a whole new mystery has been created, because WHERE? Where would you wear this suggested outfit? This is not a rhetorical question, your Fashion Police need answers, please…

Mystery 3: The Strange Case of the Quilted Skirt

quilted retro print skirtIt’s a skirt… that is also a quilt. Oh. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Duvet Day”, we guess…

Mystery 4: The Emperor’s New Top

See through / sheer top

Why is this girl even wearing a top? She really just wants us to look at her bra, doesn’t she? Not that we’re advocating going out in just a bra, of course, but at least it would save you $46 on a totally pointless top

Now, we need coffee and donuts, STAT. We have some mysteries to solve…

*The Peep Toe Boot Rule: a rule of thumb which dictates that where a pair of peep toe boots are found, another fashion crime will usually be found in the same outfit.

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