Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

“Glam” sweatpants make a return for Autumn 2011

Well, it looks like the fashion world is trying to make “glam” sweatpants happen again. We’d like to submit the following into evidence:

Metallic sweatpants by Vionnet

These are metallic sweatpants. They are £515. According to Net-a-Porter, their casual feel should be “offset with your highest heels”. Like this:

Sweatpants with heelsHonestly, we don’t hate this. We’d rather eat feet than pay £500 for SWEATPANTS, but we can sort of see this working, if you were one of those effortlessly glamorous women: you know, the ones who actually DO roll out of bed looking beautiful, and continue to look like that, no matter what they throw on. Those women exist. They intimidate us, if we’re honest. They can wear the sweatpants with heels. The rest of us? Well, look at it this way: even if you think the example above isn’t TOO bad, let’s just take a quick look at where your flirtation with the idea that “sweatpants can totally be stylish!” could lead you:

Drop crotch sweatpantsIt could lead you HERE, to the idea that these Joseph pants are worth wearing. And we think it goes without saying that high waist + low crotch is NEVER going to end well. In fact, it’s going to end with you looking deformed, like a cartoon character. Your highest heels won’t save this look. And once you’ve come this far, you’re only a small step away from being out in public dressed like THIS:

Drop crotch sweatpants worn with high heeled peep toe bootsAmi Dans La Rue has a lot to answer for. (Note that the Peep Toe Boot Rule is in full effect here. Not that it’s actually needed in this case.)

Our point: beware of following questionable fashion trends, folks. Be especially aware of allowing yourself to fall into the trap of thinking that sweatpants can be glam, and that all you’ll need is a pair of high heels to turn some saggy sweatpants into the very height of fashion. You don’t. Sweatpants are for the gym, or for those days when you can’t be bothered getting off your couch. Sweatpants are fine for those things. They are not for “fashion”. Not even with heels. Heed this warning well, or be prepared to look like one of the bottom two examples above…

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