Yesterday we talked about how bootcut jeans are kicking skinnies in the denim ass as far as eBay sales are concerned. Today we want to introduce some other types of jeans into the fray, and start a full-scale denim war. Imagine armies of jeans, all battling for dominance. Who will win? YOU DECIDE! (Sorry, we thought we were on Big Brother for a second there…)
The question is simple: WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF JEAN?
To make it simpler still, we’ve included a poll. Please feel free to elaborate on your vote in the comments, so we can all argue over something as trivial as denim.
(We’re joking: let’s not argue. In fact, let’s all have a big, denim-clad hug. Only after you’ve placed your vote below, though…)
Remember bootcut jeans? Of course you do. In fact, chances are you still have at least one pair squirrelled away somewhere, and even although the skinny still reigns supreme in the denim world – for now – you’re hoping the day will come when we can all toss those tight jeans aside and get back into bootcut. Maybe that day has already come for you? Maybe you never made the switch to skinny, and have clung onto your trusty bootcuts, regardless of the vagaries of fashion trends telling you it’s time to get into wide legs, flares, or any other cut of denim. Jennifer Aniston is still wearing bootcuts, after all, so why shouldn’t you?
How do we know all this? Well, partly because we’re The Fashion Police, and it’s our job to know these things obviously. But also because we climb inside your closet at night while you’re asleep this week eBay released an infographic showing how jeans sales on the auction site have panned out over the past year. The results are not the least bit surprising: every time we write about the Battle of the Denim, you tell us you HATE skinny jeans, and LOVE bootcut. And the results of eBay’s research definitely reflect that:
Jean Sales on eBay in the Past Year:
1. BOOTCUT: 793,289
2. STRAIGHT LEG: 215,353
3. SKINNY JEANS: 214,405
So more than twice as many pairs of bootcut jeans as skinnies were sold, and skinny jeans didn’t even make it to second place on the list: straight leg jeans did.
Surprised? We’re not. While we personally prefer skinnies (Yes, we know, it’s shocking), we know that our readers have always tended to express a preference for bootcut styles, feeling that they’re more flattering to most figures. So we’re mostly just surprised that retailers and designers haven’t been taking that on board: we’d imagine one of the reasons people are buying so many pairs of bootcut jeans from eBay is because they’re not exactly easy to find in regular stores, with the balance skewed heavily in favour of skinnies, or whatever that seasons flavour of the month is. (This season: flares.)
(Actually, scratch that bit about designers. We’re not surprised AT ALL that designers aren’t making clothes which flatter people’s bodies, and which women actually want to wear. If they were, this site wouldn’t exist.)
So tell us: do you favour bootcut jeans over the other styles available? Why?
Good old Zara! The Spanish chain comes to the rescue once again, helping us save £478, were we in the market for a two-toned skirt with white panels at the front and black ones at the side. If we WERE looking for such a thing, we could buy it from Dries Van Noten. It would cost us £504, though, so we have to admit, we’d be much more likely to head to Zara, spend £25.99 and still have enough left for a top and shoes to wear with it, and maybe some lunch while we were out.
The Zara skirt is currently sold out on the website, but can be found on eBay (where you can probably expect to pay more than £25.99), or in-store, if you’re lucky. If you just can’t find it anywhere, though, well, you could always cough up £500 for the designer version, here.
This week, certain sectors of the UK media were absolutely astonished by the news that Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, has been spotted doing a bit of shopping at her local Topshop, in Kensington.
Honestly, we’re mostly just amazed by the amazement. If she’s anything like any other British girl – and, small matter of being married to a Prince aside, the evidence so far would seem to suggest that she IS – Kate probably grew up shopping at Topshop, just like the rest of us did. Why would she stop now, just because she’s suddenly filthy rich. If YOU were rich, would you walk past Topshop on your way home, without so much as a glance? We wouldn’t. Sure, it would be great to be able to hit up the designer boutiques any time you wanted, but clothes are clothes, and we’re pleased to see that Kate apparently isn’t a clothes snob, because that’s the first stop on the fasttrack to Fashion Victim Central, as we all know.
Anyway, during her “spree” – if three items can be called that – the Duchess bought a teal pencil skirt (£38), and velvet trim boucle jacket (£65), and a pair of earrings. We have no idea how much the earrings cost, but probably around £10? Who knows.
Only the jacket was still available on the Topshop website at the time of writing, and we’d imagine that will sell out soon, the fashion world being what it is. (What it is = lots of women all desperate to wear exactly the same thing as each other, and as the Duchess of Cambridge.) You may still be able to find the items in question in-store, though, should you want to. Do you?
Remember The Creepiest Shirt in the World? The one with the attached leather gloves which looked horribly like dead human skin? THAT shirt?
The one good thing about that was the fact that, having seen it, we knew nothing could ever be as bad. We had seen the worst the fashion world had to offer, we had faced it, arrested it, and moved on. From then on, things would be better, we just knew it!
We were wrong:
THIS is as bad as it gets, folks. This is the pinnacle of Creepy Clothing. It’s also £1,240, and if you really want it, you’ll have to hurry, because it’s only available in two sizes. We’re sure they’ll sell like cupcakes to fashion bloggers.
So, here’s Charlotte Kemp at the premiere of 50/50 this week. Her dress isn’t terrible. OK, yes, it does kind of look like one wrong move and she’d be standing there naked. There is that.It’s just kind of hanging on her breasts in such a way that we can only pray that a LOT of tit tape was employed before she stepped outside in a strong breeze.
As it happens, though, the front of the dress is actually the least of Charlotte’s worries. Look:
Well, it looks like the fashion world is trying to make “glam” sweatpants happen again. We’d like to submit the following into evidence:
These are metallic sweatpants. They are £515. According to Net-a-Porter, their casual feel should be “offset with your highest heels”. Like this:
Honestly, we don’t hate this. We’d rather eat feet than pay £500 for SWEATPANTS, but we can sort of see this working, if you were one of those effortlessly glamorous women: you know, the ones who actually DO roll out of bed looking beautiful, and continue to look like that, no matter what they throw on. Those women exist. They intimidate us, if we’re honest. They can wear the sweatpants with heels. The rest of us? Well, look at it this way: even if you think the example above isn’t TOO bad, let’s just take a quick look at where your flirtation with the idea that “sweatpants can totally be stylish!” could lead you:
It could lead you HERE, to the idea that these Joseph pants are worth wearing. And we think it goes without saying that high waist + low crotch is NEVER going to end well. In fact, it’s going to end with you looking deformed, like a cartoon character. Your highest heels won’t save this look. And once you’ve come this far, you’re only a small step away from being out in public dressed like THIS:
Ami Dans La Rue has a lot to answer for. (Note that the Peep Toe Boot Rule is in full effect here. Not that it’s actually needed in this case.)
Our point: beware of following questionable fashion trends, folks. Be especially aware of allowing yourself to fall into the trap of thinking that sweatpants can be glam, and that all you’ll need is a pair of high heels to turn some saggy sweatpants into the very height of fashion. You don’t. Sweatpants are for the gym, or for those days when you can’t be bothered getting off your couch. Sweatpants are fine for those things. They are not for “fashion”. Not even with heels. Heed this warning well, or be prepared to look like one of the bottom two examples above…
Not even Jeffrey Campbell, Enemy of Feet, would think these were a good idea. NOT EVEN JEFFREY. And when Jeffrey Campbell would look at a shoe and think, “You know, I think these may be a little too ugly…” you know you’re in trouble.
These look like boats:
Sinister, terrifying boats. Like, if fashion was a horror movie, the bad guys would sail around inside giant versions of these shoes, wouldn’t they? And we’ll tell you what: THEY PROBABLY DO. This is what we’re up against, people. This is what the evil masterminds at the head of the Fashion Crime Ring are capable of. Are you scared? Because you should be.
Also: if they look this bad in the product shot, just imagine what they look like on feet! Oh, right: we don’t have to imagine it:
Yikes.
Flatforms: they just don’t need to exist, do they? (If you disagree, click here to buy them.)
(All jeans shown: River Island)
