Our thanks to Fashion Police reader Tara for calling in a report on this prom dress. Our officers picked the dress up in the early hours of this morning, and it's now resting in the cells, sobering up, and hopefully thinking about what it's done.
You know, sometimes when we look at dresses like this, there's a part of us that thinks, "Well, OK, it's ugly, trashy, and your basic HOT MESS, but no way is that intended to be worn at prom. Unless by "prom" you mean "a prom in a certain type of adult movie".
This one, though? This one actually IS being sold as an honest-to-God prom dress. We submit the following into evidence:
We also submit this line, from the product description:
"Step out in our luscious lame and crochet lace sequin prom for a Red Carpet look at the prom. "
A RED CARPET look? Huh? Have we slipped into some kind of alternative reality here? Because where we're from, not even Rihanna would wear this on the red carpet, and that's saying something. But wait! It gets worse!
"The sexy and form fitted halter gown has a very glamorous full skirt with a front slit that is designed for passion."
Designed for passion. The front slit is designed for passion. We feel a little bit ill, now. And hey: we're not naive. The Fashion Police didn't come down in the last shower, you know? We know teenagers aren't all sweet and innocent. But passion. The front slit. Designed for passion. WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
Oh, and the stripper shoes? Not for prom either, just FYI. In fact, not for anything. (Except stripping, obviously.)
Once we'd washed the eye bleach out of our eyes, it occurred to us that some further investigation may be required here. "Someone really should look into this," we thought, "and find out if there are more of these "prom" dresses available!" And then we realised that, actually, that someone should be us, because, well, we ARE The Fashion Police, after all. So we pulled on our safety goggles, and we found this dress, in the "sexy prom dress" section:
According to the website, this "will have heads turning at your 2011 prom." Yeah, WE'LL SAY. Heads will most definitely turn when you stroll by in this:
It could have been worse, though.
"HOW could it have been worse, Fashion Police?" we hear you cry. "HOW?" Well, we'll show you how. It could've been worse when you consider that the dress shown above is "inspired by" a celebrity. This is the celebrity:
We promise we're not making this up. Take a look for yourself if you don't believe us. And, you know, even if you don't think the dress itself is THAT bad, the fact remains that someone, somewhere, looked at that photo of Britney Spears (OF BRITNEY SPEARS, people! Can you even REMEMBER when Britney was considered a source of style inspiration? Was it even this century?) and thought, "You know what? This would make a great prom dress!"
And this just in, folks: the world can be a very strange place...