During our conversation about Things Which Should Be Banned last week, some of you mentioned one of our particular pet hates: the builder’s butt.
Builder’s butt is a Thing That Should Be Banned, no question. Seriously, no one needs to see… that. Do they? Or, at least, not while they’re enjoying the sun on the beach, or maybe having a little picnic in the park. There you are, minding your own business, when suddenly, WHAM. Someone’s naked butt is all up in your face. Figuratively speaking, of course.
Sadly, however, far from being banned, we’ve found that cases of Builder’s Butt are on the rise. (As waistlines lower, butts rise: it’s always been the way of things.) The images on this page, for instance, we’re captured by our officers while out and about on police duty, and are hereby being admitted into evidence. These kind of sights are far from uncommon. This is why we urge you, one and all, to carry eyeball bleach with you at all times. Then you won’t have to see things like this:
Why do bad butts happen to good people?
It’s a good question. Often, the builder’s butt is blamed on the popularity of low-rise jeans and pants, which make it that bit easier for the backside to be on show, and that bit harder to hide it. While there’s no denying that the kind of sights seen above just wouldn’t have been possible in the days of the high-waist, we think the real culprit here is people’s continuing insistence on shoehorning themselves into clothes that are too small for them (or, although it’s seen less often, clothes that are too big: a pair of jeans that are permanently in the process of falling down will be just as likely to cause Builder’s Butt as a pair that are too tight.). The result? You see it in the two images above.
Folks, we know it can be hard to find clothes that fit, sometimes. Vanity sizing, and just plain old WEIRD sizing in general can make the search for the perfect pair of jeans almost as fraught with peril and disappointment as the search for the philosopher’s stone. (In fact, we recently read about some survey or other which claimed that shopping for jeans was as stressful as moving house. Er, no comment.) We’re begging you, though: DON’T GIVE UP. Stay strong. Keep fighting the good fight against Builder’s Butt and FUPA (Google it.) and don’t be ashamed to go up a size if you need to. The label on your clothes means nothing. The bare butt hanging out of them, on the other hand? Is going to get you arrested by The Fashion Police…
If you’ve any other suggestions of Things That Should Be Banned, feel free to tell us about them…
This is Thylane Loubry Blondeau. She’s ten years old, and she appeared in a deliberately-provocative editorial in French Vogue last December, which appeared to be intended to play with the idea of “dress up”, and perhaps to satirize the fashion industry’s obsession with youth.
The images in question, however, have caused something of a stir, with some people arguing that, however knowingly it was done, the sexualization of ten year old girls in this way just isn’t cool.
(We’ve no idea why this outrage is all happening NOW, when the photos in question were published several months ago, but for some reason it is…)
Thylane herself now has a Tumblr dedicated to her photos, (the owner recently changed the name from “F*** Yeah, Thylane Blondeau” to the slightly less controversial Thylane Blondeau pictures, although as of this morning, that site seems to be down, too), many of which showcase her very “grown up” poses and a much more sophisticated sense of style than we’d usually associate with a ten-year-old.
While some are excitedly declaring her to be “the next big thing“, however, others think Thylane’s sultry pout and “sexy” photos “go too far” – and not just in the French Vogue spread, but in many more of the child model’s shots.
Here are just a few of the contrasting opinions being voiced about Thylane:
“This isn’t edgy. It’s inappropriate, and creepy, and I never want to see a nine-year-old girl in high-heeled leopard print bedroom slippers ever again.”
“…she looks more self-aware and confident than most models working today — to say nothing of grown women in general.” ~ Stylite
“there’s no lightheartedness or playfulness there. There’s none of the unselfconsciousness that let childhood be so much fun… There’s just Blondeau’s dull eyes and pursed, painted, parted lips of a hard-to-get siren, laid out on a tiger-skin rug or placed in a chair with her skirt carefully tucked out of the way to bare her legs nearly to the hip.” ~Feministe
“I personally found the Vogue Paris editorialrefreshing. Sure, it was disturbing, but it seemed purposefully, knowingly disturbing — “ ~ Jezebel
As for us? We think Thylane is one beautiful little girl, and one day she’s going to be an amazingly beautiful woman. And when that time comes, we’ll have no problem seeing her lying on an animal skin in stiletto heels. But there’s plenty of time for all of that, and for now we have to admit that we do find it a little unsettling to find adults drooling over photos of a child.
What do YOU think, though? Should a ten year old be modelling adult fashion in this way, even if it IS intended to make us question the industry, or is it just too young?
You’re already poised to tell us how much you adore these, aren’t you? So today, we’re asking you to explain the appeal. Because while many of our readers think feathered skirts are the cat’s pyjamas, we, on the other hand, tend to think they’re almost as comical as cat’s pyjamas. Seriously, you’re seeing fun, “edgy” fashion here, but we’re just seeing the skinned hydes of Elmo and Grover:
Fashion Icons, 2011
We’re also seeing the glimmerings of a Halloween costume idea, but we don’t want to pay £80 for the privilege, which is what one of these skirts will cost you.
Tell us what we’re missing here, folks. What is it about feathered skirts that makes so many women love them? If you can do this without using the words “quirky” or “edgy” or the phrase “bang on trend”, then you win a cookie from Cookie Monster himself.
Oh, dear. Tie-up feather sandals? We really wish we could, Brian Atwood. Tie them up, that is. Because we’re definitely going to be having nightmares tonight, that’s for sure.
As it is, we’re putting out an APB on these. People, do not approach these boots. They may be dangerous. Simply call The Fashion Police, and we’ll do our very best to bring them to justice. Unless, of course, you feel that these are no criminals? Would you wear them? Do you want to rescue them from the depths of the Fashion Police jail? Well, OK, if you absolutely insist… bail is hereby set at $1,450, payable to Neiman Marcus. You may click here to make the payment: just be sure to sleep with one eye open…
If you could ban one item of clothing (just for style reasons) , what would that item be?
For us, it would be Crocs, without shadow of a doubt.
And we know, we know: they’re So! Comfy! Some people have foot problems and can’t wear heels! They’re really practical for digging in the garden/working in a hospital/going to the beach! Your three-year-old loves them, and he. is. adorable! We get all of that. But the question specifically asked about the item we’d ban for style reasons, and none of the many reasons people have for wearing Crocs (some of them perfectly legitimate, we might add) negate the fact that Crocs look like gnome shoes. And for that reason, if we actually had the power to ban one item we hate, Crocs would be that item.
There is nothing attractive about Crocs. There is nothing stylish about them. As far as we can see, they have absolutely no redeeming features, and as for the much-vaunted SO! COMFY!, and the people who repeatedly tell us not to knock ‘em until we’ve tried ‘em, let us just say this: we’ve tried ‘em. And honestly? They weren’t even THAT “comfy”. We’ve worn shoes just as comfortable, which DIDN’T look like they belonged on a cartoon gnome, let’s put it that way. And the fact that your three-year-old looks totes adorable in his Crocs? Doesn’t sway us one bit. We’re not talking about what looks good on three-year-olds, here: they look cute in everything. We’re talking about what looks good on grown adults, and Crocs? Don’t.
Of course, if you absolutely have to wear Crocs because they’re the only shoes that fit, or some such reason, then you get a free pass, but if you’re asking us to ban an item we hate, we’re picking Crocs.*
What would you pick? Which single item of clothing would you ban if you could?
*Usual disclaimer for people who take these posts super-seriously: this is purely a personal opinion, everyone’s taste is different, The Fashion Police aren’t real, if you want to wear Crocs no one will stop you, the question is just for fun, blah blah blah.
During our conversation about Things Which Should Be Banned last week, some of you mentioned one of our particular pet hates: the builder’s butt.
