Crimes of Fashion

Things That Should Be Banned: Builder’s Butt

During our conversation about Things Which Should Be Banned last week, some of you mentioned one of our particular pet hates: the builder’s butt.

Builder’s butt is a Thing That Should Be Banned, no question. Seriously, no one needs to see… that. Do they? Or, at least, not while they’re enjoying the sun on the beach, or maybe having a little picnic in the park. There you are, minding your own business, when suddenly, WHAM. Someone’s naked butt is all up in your face. Figuratively speaking, of course.

Sadly, however, far from being banned, we’ve found that cases of Builder’s Butt are on the rise. (As waistlines lower, butts rise: it’s always been the way of things.) The images on this page, for instance, we’re captured by our officers while out and about on police duty, and are hereby being admitted into evidence. These kind of sights are far from uncommon. This is why we urge you, one and all, to carry eyeball bleach with you at all times. Then you won’t have to see things like this:

Why do bad butts happen to good people?

It’s a good question. Often, the  builder’s butt is blamed on the popularity of low-rise jeans and pants, which make it that bit easier for the backside to be on show, and that bit harder to hide it. While there’s no denying that the kind of sights seen above just wouldn’t have been possible in the days of the high-waist, we think the real culprit here is people’s continuing insistence on shoehorning themselves into clothes that are too small for them (or, although it’s seen less often, clothes that are too big: a pair of jeans that are permanently in the process of falling down will be just as likely to cause Builder’s Butt as a pair that are too tight.). The result? You see it in the two images above.

Folks, we know it can be hard to find clothes that fit, sometimes. Vanity sizing, and just plain old WEIRD sizing in general can make the search for the perfect pair of jeans almost as fraught with peril and disappointment as the search for the philosopher’s stone. (In fact, we recently read about some survey or other which claimed that shopping for jeans was as stressful as moving house. Er, no comment.) We’re begging you, though: DON’T GIVE UP. Stay strong. Keep fighting the good fight against Builder’s Butt and FUPA (Google it.) and don’t be ashamed to go up a size if you need to. The label on your clothes means nothing. The bare butt hanging out of them, on the other hand? Is going to get you arrested by The Fashion Police…

If you’ve any other suggestions of Things That Should Be Banned, feel free to tell us about them…

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