Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Ask The Fashion Police: Which single item of clothing would you ban?

From our Formspring:

If you could ban one item of clothing (just for style reasons) , what would that item be?

For us, it would be Crocs, without shadow of a doubt.

And we know, we know: they’re So! Comfy! Some people have foot problems and can’t wear heels! They’re really practical for digging in the garden/working in a hospital/going to the beach! Your three-year-old loves them, and he. is. adorable! We get all of that. But the question specifically asked about the item we’d ban for style reasons, and none of the many reasons people have for wearing Crocs (some of them perfectly legitimate, we might add) negate the fact that Crocs look like gnome shoes. And for that reason, if we actually had the power to ban one item we hate, Crocs would be that item.

There is nothing attractive about Crocs. There is nothing stylish about them. As far as we can see, they have absolutely no redeeming features, and as for the much-vaunted SO! COMFY!, and the people who repeatedly tell us not to knock ’em until we’ve tried ’em, let us just say this: we’ve tried ’em. And honestly? They weren’t even THAT “comfy”. We’ve worn shoes just as comfortable, which DIDN’T look like they belonged on a cartoon gnome, let’s put it that way. And the fact that your three-year-old looks totes adorable in his Crocs? Doesn’t sway us one bit. We’re not talking about what looks good on three-year-olds, here: they look cute in everything. We’re talking about what looks good on grown adults, and Crocs? Don’t.

Of course, if you absolutely have to wear Crocs because they’re the only shoes that fit, or some such reason, then you get a free pass, but if you’re asking us to ban an item we hate, we’re picking Crocs.*

What would you pick? Which single item of clothing would you ban if you could?

*Usual disclaimer for people who take these posts super-seriously: this is purely a personal opinion, everyone’s taste is different, The Fashion Police aren’t real, if you want to wear Crocs no one will stop you, the question is just for fun, blah blah blah.

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