Well, readers, if the stylists at ASOS.com are to be believed, this winter we’re all going to be dressing like this:
(Click here to buy it)
We’ll just let this disturbing image sink in for a minute.
Still with us? Got your eyeball bleach handy?
Trust us, you’re going to need it for this one…
First, the good news: the particular 2011 winter fashion trend we’re referring to ISN’T the shorts. Or the little tweed jacket. It’s not even the hat, although the fact that all of these items are available to buy at ASOS is, indeed, worrying.
It’s the socks and shoes combo:
Now, we put it to you, ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police Jury, that either of these items would be bad enough on their own, worn with this outfit. The thick soled creepers, for instance, will make even the daintiest of feet look roughly the size of small boats, while black ankle socks should really only ever be worn with trousers, as far as we’re concerned. Pairs with shorts and black shoes, the look is very “elderly man at the beach”, and if that’s the look you’re aiming for, well, you’re probably on the wrong website.
So, at this point you’re probably thinking this is a one-off, aren’t you? A moment of madness by a stylish who thought Old Man Chic was the way to go with this particular outfit: or who just really hated the model. (Modelling is hard, remember.)
That’s the bad news. Unfortunately, by the time winter 2011 rolls around, Grandad Chic will have taken over your entire closet:
(click here to buy it)
Admit it: you’ve always wanted to wear black ankle socks with your mini kilt, haven’t you?
(Oh yeah, that was the other bit of bad news for you: mini kilts are back. It’ll be like the 90s all over again, but with added ankle socks.)
According to our survey, 9 out 10 grandads wouldn’t be seen dead in this outfit. Fashion victims would, though. Because it’s FASHUN. It is edgy. It’s, like so totally unexpected. It’s unintentionally hilarious:
(click here to buy)
All this model needs is a couple of grazes on her knees and she’d pass – from the waist down, anyway – for a small boy, playing in the street, in the 1950s or something.
As for this one, meanwhile:
(Click here to buy)
Well, the blouse is certainly more grandma than grandpa – and once again, with a dash of 1950s-schoolboy thrown in – but the combination of sensible lace-ups, dark ankle socks (again!) and baggy, high waisted shorts is going to be unflattering on even the very best of us.
Luckily, help will soon be at hand, in the form of dozens of fashion editorials with titles like “How to wear this season’s schoolboy/grandpa crossover look!” In fact, The Fashion Police also have some advice for you on how to wear this look. Here it is:
Of course, as we’re just an imaginary police force, you’re free to completely ignore this advice. Will you, though? Do you think you could make this look work for you?