Crimes of Fashion, Jeans

Fashion Police Top Five: Ugly Jeans

The Fashion Police jail is just crammed full of ugly items of clothing, some of which our new readers may never get to see, they’re buried so deep in our archives (Which, you could argue, is where they truly belong).

Today, though, we’re taking some of them out and letting them have a quick stroll around the exercise yard before locking them back up again. And we’re starting off with our ugly jeans section.

Now jeans, as we’ve mentioned before, are one of those items which can be either very, very good, or very, very bad, with every little room for middle ground. So jeans are either perfectly unobjectionable, or as ugly as sin. Here, in no particular order, are five of the pairs of jeans our readers found ugly as sin…

5. The Jeans For When You Just Can’t Decide


We all have our fat days, don’t we? What we didn’t really realise until we found these jeans, though, is that some of us have”Fat Leg” Days. And yes, that’s “leg” in the singular, because these jeans are designed for those of you who have one fat leg and one thin leg. It’s good to know that fashion doesn’t discriminate, isn’t it?

Click here for our original post on these.

4. The Extreme Diaper Jeans

There are lots of pairs of drop-crotch jeans in our jail. In fact, a couple of years ago, we had to build a whole new wing just for them, so prolific were these hideous creations. We will never stop hating drop-crotch pants, whether denim or otherwise. They will ALWAYS make their wearer look like they have a very fully diaper, as far as we’re concerned. None more so, however, than Jean Paul Gaultier’s drop crotch jeans, shown above. Seriously, you could fit a person inside there, no?

3. The Jodhpur Jeans


With The Fashion Police determined to seek out and arrest every pair of drop-crotch jeans around, fashion designers had to find a new way to make their jeans ugly. And if you can’t add a tonne of extra volume to the crotch, what do you do? Add it to the hips, of course, in the form of the jodhpur jean! What’s weird about these – apart from the obvious, we mean  – is the fact that the carefully pressed front has an almost formal feel to it. Look at that knife-pleat down the front! It’s a Mom Jean Gone Wrong, isn’t it?

2. The Bikini Jeans


These jeans have been around for almost as long as The Fashion Police have (we first arrested them back in 2007), but they don’t get any better with age. They attempt to provide a solution to that age-old problem: where do you find indecently low-cut jeans to wear with your denim thong? You find them as Sannas, obviously! Click here to see our original post.

1. The Camel-Toe Jeans

Technically, these are just another version of the Full Diaper Jeans shown above. We figured they deserved their place in the Ugly Jeans Top Five, however, because… do we really need to explain why? They’re jeans with built-in camel toe. That shouldn’t even be possible, should it? Jeans should not be able to create camel toe, let alone come with one already supplied. These ones, therefore, represent the pinnacle of all that is ugly in the world of jeans. We really, really hope we never have to see them worn in real life…

(Click here for the original post on these)

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