Crimes of Fashion

Five Crimes of Fashion: Ashish and the $2000 sequined skeleton suit and more

1. The Overpriced Halloween Costume

(Ashish skeleton top and pants, £1,265, Browns. Click here to buy them.)

Either Halloween has come early this year, or April Fools has arrived late. We say this because a) When else would you find yourself in need of a sequined skeleton suit but Halloween? and b) $2000? For THIS? You have GOT to be kidding us. And OK, sure, we get that it’s sequined, which is probably painstaking work and which, for some brands, i a great excuse to hike up the price. And we also get that it could be a humorous thing to wear. But at the same time, we reckon these three words say it all:

SEQUINED

SKELETON

SUIT

Well, it’s certainly scary, we’ll give it that. Almost as scary as THIS, in fact:

2. The Harem Hybrid

(Preen ‘Serpent’ skirt, $490, Shopbop: click here to buy)

That’s right, it;s a skirt that’s been made to look like our old enemy, the harem pants. Because nothing says “Whoops, I just filled my adult diaper!” than a saggy crotch, does it? The special sadness of this item is that while it wouldn’t exactly have been a stunning skirt, it would’ve at least looked better than harem pants… if they’d only just managed to resist the impulse to attach it awkwardly at the ankle:


It’s half skirt, half harem. Tragic. And puzzling.

Also puzzling:

3. The Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime

(John Richmond jeans, £225, Yoox. Click here to buy them.)

You know, we quite like the look of thigh-high boots worn over skinny jeans, too, John Richmond. Only when they’re ACTUAL boots, though. These ones? Aren’t? Boots, that is. No, they’re just boot legs. And they’re attached to the jeans. Why would you even…? How would you…? Yeah. A stuck-together-clothes crime if ever we saw one.

4. The Sack Dress

(Pinafore dress, £200, Topshop: out of stock)

Now, we daresay you could use some creative belting to make this look a little bit better than it does at the moment, but if you’re a Fashion Police regular, you know the rules: if you can use the word “sack” to describe an item of clothing, it’s probably a crime of fashion. This particular one is also an unsolved mystery, because despite looking like it belongs in the wardrobe department of Little House on the Prairie, it’s sold out in all sizes. Would you pay £200 for this? Only if you were comfortable being asked when you’re due, we guess…

5. The Writing’s On the Dress

(Balenciaga dress, £290: click here to buy it)

We’re actually in two minds about this dress. Even although it makes the model look like a midget who ripped a page out of a magazine and wrapped it around herself (or perhaps just an average-sized person, with a giant magazine?), we don’t hate it. Then again, we don’t generally want people to come up to us and try to READ our clothes while we’re wearing them, and you just know that’s what would happen. Admit it, you want to know what it says, don’t you? Here you go:

So what do you think? Would you wear any of these? Which do you think is the worst offender?

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