Image: PRPhotos.com
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Monthly Archives: July 2011
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Winter 2011 Fashion Trends: Primark Preview
It’s no good: we’ve been trying to delay the inevitable for as long as we could, but even The Fashion Police are powerless to prevent the march of time, and even although we’ve only just dusted off our bathing suits, and Shoeperwoman hasn’t worn even half of her collection of summer sandals, we’re forced to admit that winter fashion is upon us.
The stores and websites we frequent as part of our daily Fashion Policing duties are starting to fill up with winter woolies. Our favourite fashion bloggers are talking about coats and boots. It’s time to talk about winter fashion trends for 2011, and what the future holds, and what better way to do it than with a preview of that pinnacle of fast fashion, the Polyester Palace of Primark.
Here at The Fashion Police, we always look forward to seeing what Primark has to offer us each season, because it offers a pretty good insight into what people will actually wear in the coming season. Sure, Net-a-Porter will offer up the inevitable “Must Haves” of the season, but how many people do YOU know who buy an entire new designer wardrobe each season? We thought so.
(We say this will give us an insight into what people will wear. We’re not so sure about the orange satin maxi dress, to be honest, although we’ve been surprised by things like this before…)
So, what can we conclude about 2011 winter fashion trends from this quick look at Primark? Well…
- There will be colourblocking. Lots of it. You will throw on every colour in your closet at the same time, and you will like it. Or maybe you won’t like it. If you don’t, it’ll be too bad, though, because it’ll be hard to buy clothes that aren’t bright yellow, bright blue, bright orange, bright pink, or bright something-else. There are five different colours in the outfit at the top of the page. Maybe you could try to beat that?
- There will be darker colours too, though: tweed jackets, wool skirts, muted, earthy tones. Same as every winter, really.
- We’re going back to the 70s. Jumpsuits, pussy-bow blouses, floppy hats: they’re back! Again.
- There will be faux fur. Specifically dalmatian print. Let Cruella De Vil be your fashion icon, folks!
- Some people will wear that orange maxi dress. They will be braver people than us.
What’s the verdict, Fashion Jurors? Take a look at the gallery and tell us what you think!
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Fashion Crime? Christian Dior’s Coyote trousers
No, the model isn’t wearing a pair of those awful fur boots over her trousers…
… the awful fur boots ARE the trousers. Or at least part of them, anyway. Well, we DID warn you that fur would be taking over the world. And hey, why buy boots at all when you can just attach fur to your trousers and have legs like a bear?
We love the way this has been styled too, with the bare feet in pumps. Because sometimes your legs are really cold but your feet are really hot, aren’t they? Hey, it happens. And when it does, at least you’ll have these trousers to keep you suitably attired. And all they’ll cost you is £1,190.
Click here to buy them: you know you want to!
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Daylight Robbery? Bless ‘Yeti’ gloves
Earlier this week, we showed you a selection of yeti boots, so now here are the matching gloves. So that’s Halloween sorted, then.
Actually, we’re not calling these “Yeti gloves” because of their appearance, although they will almost certainly make your hands look they belong on SOME kind of monster. No, we’re calling them “Yeti gloves” because they have a price tag of no less than $453… and for that price, we have to assume that they’ve been knitted using the fur of the Yeti and stitched together with unicorn hair.
No such luck, though: according to Colette, these are actually made from “hairy virgin wool”.
So, we guess we have two questions:
1. Do you want monster hands?
2. Are you prepared to pay $435 for them?
If you answered “yes” to both of these questions, click here to make your monster hand dreams a reality. Also, while we’re on the subject, and seeing as you apparently have $400 to spend on hairy gloves: don’t suppose you could spare some change?
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Frankenshoes: Wood Platforms by Sca_Ulven
Yes, they’re REAL shoes.
No, they’re not just “art” – although you could argue that they’re that too.
They’re by Norwegian brand Sca_Ulven and they’re £190 at Not Just a Label.
What do you think of them?
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Fashion Crime? Jayma Mays breaks “fingertip rule” for hemlines
A long, long time ago, we asked the question “How Short is Too Short?” in relation to hemlines, and some of our readers brought up The Fingertip Rule:
The Fingertip Rule: If your skirt fails to reach your fingertips when your arms are by your side, your skirt is too short.
If you choose to abide by this rule – and we’re not necessarily saying you should, mind – then Jayma Mays is dangerously close to breaking it in the image above, in which her fingertips look like they probably extend a good inch lower than the dress.
Too short? Just right? Is this “rule” one of those old-fashioned ones that no longer apply, do you think, or is it still relevant? How do you decide whether a hemline is too short?
And while we have your attention, what do you think of coral lipstick?
(We know, that was a lot of questions. We’ll go and make some coffee while you answer them…)
[Images: Girlie/Fame Pictures]
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Celebrity Style on Trial: Torso-baring dresses
Recently, Fashion Police officers have been getting reports of a new celebrity fashion trend. We call it The Torso Dress. Here it is in action, on Carey Mulligan:
[Image: Bello/Fame Pictures]
At first glance, we kind of liked this. She’s one of those cute-as-a-button women who can look good in pretty much everything, and we also want to steal her shoes. Confiscate them, we mean. Confiscate. For their own safety.
Then we took a closer look:
[Image: Bello/Fame Pictures]
Hmm. Well, OK, she’s got the abs for it, we’ll give her that. Do we really need to see them, though? We just don’t think we do, somehow. Let’s give Carey the benefit of the doubt for now, though, and move on to our second example of the Torso Dress, this time worn by Nicola Roberts:
[Image: PRPhotos.com]
We’ve always quite liked Nicola, mostly for her refusal to bow to the pressure to “get a tan“, and match her occasionally-orange Girls Aloud bandmates. While her solo career hasn’t quite taken off yet, though, she’s also now being lauded by some sections of the fashion press for her “brave” – yes, there’s that word again! – fashion choices: this Topshop Unique dress being one of them.
Unfortunately, this photo is too small to really show the detail of the dress, but you don’t have to look too closely to see that it’s another example of the Torso Dress, with the bodice merely two triangular pieces of fabric, held together with a piece of string.
What do you think of this look, Fashion Police jury? Given that men don’t typically go bare-chested on the red carpet – or anywhere else in “polite” society, we tend to find it a little odd when women do it: or maybe it’s just that if we HAD to expose one part of the body, our abs probably wouldn’t be the part we’d choose.
Innocent or Guilty?
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Winter 2011 Fashion Trends to Fear: Grandad Chic Meets Schoolboy Chic
Well, readers, if the stylists at ASOS.com are to be believed, this winter we’re all going to be dressing like this:
(Click here to buy it)
We’ll just let this disturbing image sink in for a minute.
Still with us? Got your eyeball bleach handy?
Trust us, you’re going to need it for this one…
First, the good news: the particular 2011 winter fashion trend we’re referring to ISN’T the shorts. Or the little tweed jacket. It’s not even the hat, although the fact that all of these items are available to buy at ASOS is, indeed, worrying.
It’s the socks and shoes combo:
Now, we put it to you, ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police Jury, that either of these items would be bad enough on their own, worn with this outfit. The thick soled creepers, for instance, will make even the daintiest of feet look roughly the size of small boats, while black ankle socks should really only ever be worn with trousers, as far as we’re concerned. Pairs with shorts and black shoes, the look is very “elderly man at the beach”, and if that’s the look you’re aiming for, well, you’re probably on the wrong website.
So, at this point you’re probably thinking this is a one-off, aren’t you? A moment of madness by a stylish who thought Old Man Chic was the way to go with this particular outfit: or who just really hated the model. (Modelling is hard, remember.)
That’s the bad news. Unfortunately, by the time winter 2011 rolls around, Grandad Chic will have taken over your entire closet:
(click here to buy it)
Admit it: you’ve always wanted to wear black ankle socks with your mini kilt, haven’t you?
(Oh yeah, that was the other bit of bad news for you: mini kilts are back. It’ll be like the 90s all over again, but with added ankle socks.)
According to our survey, 9 out 10 grandads wouldn’t be seen dead in this outfit. Fashion victims would, though. Because it’s FASHUN. It is edgy. It’s, like so totally unexpected. It’s unintentionally hilarious:
(click here to buy)
All this model needs is a couple of grazes on her knees and she’d pass – from the waist down, anyway – for a small boy, playing in the street, in the 1950s or something.
As for this one, meanwhile:
(Click here to buy)
Well, the blouse is certainly more grandma than grandpa – and once again, with a dash of 1950s-schoolboy thrown in - but the combination of sensible lace-ups, dark ankle socks (again!) and baggy, high waisted shorts is going to be unflattering on even the very best of us.
Luckily, help will soon be at hand, in the form of dozens of fashion editorials with titles like “How to wear this season’s schoolboy/grandpa crossover look!” In fact, The Fashion Police also have some advice for you on how to wear this look. Here it is:
DON’T.
Of course, as we’re just an imaginary police force, you’re free to completely ignore this advice. Will you, though? Do you think you could make this look work for you?
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