Knees. They’re the hardest area to shave, aren’t they? And if you don’t keep on top of it, just look at what happens: giant, hairy knees!
And look! They even look strange from the back!
Still, given that these are actually feathers, as we’re sure you deduced from the title of this post, at least they’ll come in handy for dusting the furniture. All of those knee-height coffee tables and other items? Just walk around the room and watch them get cleaner as you go! The floors, meanwhile? Well, those may be a little bit trickier, but we’re sure you’ll work it out. And just think of all the fun you’ll have sliding around the house on your knees!
OK, those are the only reasons we can think of to wear these. And given that they cost $545 – yes, for some sheer cycle shorts with feathers attached to them – they’ll make a pretty expensive feather duster. In fact, you may be better off just attaching a regular feather duster to a pair of your existing shorts. It’ll be an awful lot cheaper, and let’s face it: it couldn’t look much worse than these do, could it?
Still, if you want to buy these ones, and are prepared to pay for that privilege, who are we to stop you? Click here to buy them at Opening Ceremony.
You know what we hate? What we really, really hate?
The fact that so many pairs of jeans seem to be cut for people with the legs of a supermodel. And yes, we know we can have them hemmed. We know we can turn them up. But seriously, how many people in the world actually are supermodels? Surely not that many?
That’s by-the-by, though. Because what we’d like to know is just who the hell Maison Martin Margiela had in mind when then made these jeans. Look, even the model has had to turn them all the way up to her knees!
OK, we’re kidding. We know perfectly well that these were designed to be worn with turn-ups. And hey, we have absolutely no beef with that! But all the way to the knees? Is she using those things to carry her daily essentials in, rather than carrying a bag?
What do you think, readers? Worth £365 to you? Oh, go on, it’s just a pound per day!
First of all, our apologies for bringing you a bag that costs $1,040 as our Handbag of the Week today. We can’t actually imagine wanting to spend that much on ANY bag, but if this one was a little bit – or, OK, a really BIG bit – cheaper, we’d be sorely tempted.
The colour is what D&G call “make-up” and what The Fashion Police call “pink”. It looks roughly the size of a small suitcase in the image above, but is actually smaller than it looks, and the perfect size to sling over your shoulder and take to work, or play, or anywhere else you fancy. (There’s a photo of it on someone’s shoulder here, if you want to take a look.) We’re not actually sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, given the price, mind you. For $1,000, we’d probably want to be able to LIVE in the thing.
Click here to take a closer look, or, indeed, to buy it, if you’re not remotely daunted by that price tag.
Ports 1961 Cloak Dress with Vachetta Belt $750, Shopbop (Click here to buy it)
The Case for the Defence:
The Little White Dress (LWD) is the new LBD. It’s just as simple, just as chic, but it’s a little more interesting, and a little more summery. This one also has angel wings on the back: we submit the following into evidence:
The Case for the Prosecution:
Um, that’s a cape. You did SEE the cape, didn’t you? So, basically, it’s a $750 shift dress. With a cape. The prosecution rests.
Heart telling you to jump aboard the midi-skirt bandwagon, but head telling you to stick to the minis you know and love?
Don’t worry, there IS a middle ground: a place where midi and mini meet, mate and live happily ever after. Or possibly not. That middle ground is occupied by Andrea Crews, who has set up camp there, and is busy producing her half midi/half maxi creations, which mix fabrics, as well as lengths.
If you think the example at the top of the page is bad, though, just wait until you get a look at THIS bad boy:
Oh HELL NO.
Denim and lace should NEVER collide, should they? It’s like a really bad day down at Dollywood. All it needs is a bleach-blonde perm (with the roots showing, natch) and a pair of white stilettos.
This, friends, is why The Fashion Police are imposing a new law banning this kind of experimentation of this kind. No good can come of it. These hybrids will take over the world, we tell you!
We know: you’re wondering what on earth we’re doing policing joke shops when we’re supposed to be a Fashion Police, aren’t you?
Bear with us: these may look like your typical prank glasses, the kind of thing you’d buy for Halloween, or to play a joke on a friend, but nope, they’re being sold at designer fashion emporium Colette, who say they are a “must have”. They also claim the brand has been seen on celebrities such as Lady Gaga, P Diddy and … Carine Roitfeld. OK, we can totally see Gaga in them, that’s for sure. And we wouldn’t put it past P Diddy, either. But we can only assume Carine Roitfeld wore another style from this brand, and NOT the glasses pictured. Because we just can’t see it somehow, can you?
More to the point, can you see YOURSELF wearing these? Well, they’re only about $35, so at least they don’t cost too much. This particular style has already sold out at Colette, but there are plenty more where those came from, and you can click here to view them all on the Nunettes website.
Well, you wouldn’t want to mess with THIS model, would you? Look at the expression on her face! She’s almost daring us to laugh at her high-collared Rick Owens jacket:
For some reason we’re reminded of Darth Vader. Like we say, wouldn’t want to mess with her…
About the jacket, though. Folded down, the collar looks fine:
Standing up, though:
Just a tad higher than we’re used to.
Ah, we don’t know, though. We’re in a pretty good mood today, so we’re actually thinking we might turn a blind eye to this one. After all, at $1,690, it’s not like there’s going to be whole armies of people wearing them, as amusing as that mental image is.
What do you think: send it to jail or set it free?
This dress is the perfect colour for summer: the bright orange is very much “on trend” right now, and makes a nice change from all of the other traditionally “summer” colours. What’s more, the flared skirt, nipped-in waist and short sleeves will make this dress flattering to many figures, and really easy to wear: no straps to slide down or hitch up, a shape that’s easy to move in, a single colour that you can throw on a pair of shoes with and be done.
The Argument for the Prosecution:
Are you blind? Because WE are, now that we’ve seen this dress. Look, orange just doesn’t look good on anyone. OK, maybe three people, max, and we can’t name any of them. Also, we hate it when people say “on trend”. Stop it.
What do YOU think: is the dress innocent or guilty?
Still, given that these are actually feathers, as we’re sure you deduced from the title of this post, at least they’ll come in handy for dusting the furniture. All of those knee-height coffee tables and other items? Just walk around the room and watch them get cleaner as you go! The floors, meanwhile? Well, those may be a little bit trickier, but we’re sure you’ll work it out. And just think of all the fun you’ll have sliding around the house on your knees!
