Some fashion “rules” are repeated so often they come to be accepted as “fact”. We don’t believe there are any real hard facts about style (other than the ones which claim that Crocs are ugly, and harem pants will make you look like you just filled your diaper, obviously), so here are just five myths we’d like to bust:
We read this sage piece of advice frequently in fashion magazines and the like, but your flat-chested Editor-In-Chief is here to tell you it’s not true: on her, wrap dresses gape horribly and make her look like a badly-wrapped parcel (yes, even the much-vaunted Diane Von Furstenberg versions). In fact, we’d go so far as to say that there’s no such thing as a “universally flattering” piece of clothing, although if you believe you’ve found one, we’d love to hear about it.
2. Horizontal stripes will make you look fat
Yeah, tell it to all the girls wearing Breton stripes this summer (and last summer, and the summer before, and last winter, and… oh, you get the picture). Do they all look fat to you? Seriously, ALL of them? Of course they don’t. We’re not saying stripes will flatter EVERY figure (See point one, above), but nor do they look every single person who wears them look fat, either. In fact, there’s a school of thought which says that, actually, vertical stripes are more likely to create the illusion of “fat” than their horiziontal sisters. We know it sounds counter-intuitive, but we have to say, our highly un-scientific research convinces us there just might be something in that theory.
3. You can’t wear white after Labor Day
Newsflash: yes you can! And we promise nothing bad will happen to you: we won’t even arrest you, or anything. People will not point and laugh, and you will not have your “fashionista” card revoked. And sure, you’ll want to pay a bit more attention to the weather if you’re planning on white. If it’s wet and muddy outside, you’re not going to want to be trailing the hems of your long white pants along the pavement, and white linen won’t be the most practical choice when the temperature drops. It’s more about fabric than colour, however, and if you happen to look good in white, you won’t suddenly look bad in it the day after Labor day. So relax, and let your white flag fly!
(Kate Middleton wore white after Labor Day and STILL got to marry a prince…)
4. Tall girls can’t wear heels
Like hell they can’t! Why should short woman get all the best shoes? One of the worst things you can do, style-wise, is to dress apologetically, or avoid wearing the things you love just because of some silly fashion “rule”. (Obviously there are exceptions to this. If you love wearing bondage gear, for instance, Tesco probably isn’t the place to do it. Some “rules” actually AREN’T meant to be broken…) Tall women look fantastic in heels. They also look fantastic in flats. And if the heels make you 7″ tall, but you still feel great in them, then more power to your stiletto.
Not just for short women…
5. Short girls can’t wear maxi dresses
It’s true to say that the petite amongst us need to take a little more care when approaching this trend, because long lengths and flowing material can threaten to swamp us. It’s all about proportion, though. Yes, if you’re short you may have to lob a few inches of the bottom of the dress to stop it trailing along the ground behind you, and you may also need to either make alterations to the waisline/bust, or find a petite line that fits you perfectly. If the dress is the right fit, though, it won’t look any different on you than it will on someone taller: trust us on this.
So there you have it. What fashion myths do YOU think need busting?
Specifically, let’s talk about the way hipsters will often wear prescription-frame glasses… without the prescription. In other words, they’re not short, or long-sighted, and that’s just a little bit inconvenient for our hipster friends, so they buy glasses with clear plastic lenses in them, so they can achieve the LOOK of short-sightedness, without the pesky vision problems that accompany it.
Glasses like the ones above, say, which are £280 at Net-Porter, and which contain clear plastic lenses. (Actually, we’re wondering if the appearance of “designer” hipster glasses, and the fact that they’re now being sold as mainstream fashion accessories, means that we can no longer even call them that? Surely hipsters will be obliged to hate the acceptance of their glasses into the mainstream, and have to go and find something else suitably obscure to wear?)
This “trend” – if it can be called that – ties in with the hipster’s need to identify themselves as a “geek” or a “nerd” at all times. Being a “geek” has become cool, you see. Being a nerd, even more so. “Oh, I’m such a book nerd!” people will say, smugly. Or “I was on Facebook all night: I’m such a geek!” (Because, in this day and age, using a social networking site is pretty much all you need in order to declare yourself a “geek”. The Fashion Police despair. Oh, and while we’re on the subject: buying exactly the same expensive gadgets and having exactly the same, very mainstream interests as everyone else on our Facebook friends list doesn’t make you a “geek”. It makes you a hipster. Got it?) And, of course, in the mind of the hipster, geeks wear glasses, and if the hipster doesn’t actually need glasses (shame!), why, he or she will just buy ones with clear lenses in them instead!
What we want to know, of course, is what you all think of this.
On the one hand, you could argue that there’s no reason why people SHOULDN’T allow 20-20 vision to stand in the way of the image they desire. For some people, spectacles are just a fashion accessory, the same as any other, and if you like the look of them, and think they suit you, or whatever, why on earth shouldn’t you wear them? Why should people with poor vision have all the fun? Fashion doesn’t always have to be practical, does it? You can totally wear glasses you don’t need and call it a fashion statement!
On the other hand, we guess you could also argue (and we’re not saying we would make this argument, here, just that we could…) that wearing glasses you don’t need just because you think they look good, is a bit like using a walking stick you don’t need, or adopting a wheelchair as your preferred mode of transport because you’ve decided they’re, like, SO 2011 or something.
What do YOU think? Would you wear glasses with clear lenses? And if so, would you pay £280 (about $400) for designer frames, or just pick up a cheap pair at H&M or Urban Outfitters?
We’re sick and tired of people trying to mess with denim. LEAVE DENIM ALONE, people. It doesn’t deserve it. Denim has done nothing to harm anyone. Well, except this girl, obviously:
She’s certainly being damaged by denim. (Or rather WE are, because this image cannot be unseen now. Sorry.) It’s like it just up and attacked her one fine day, isn’t it? You could also argue, however, that it’s not denim which has damaged her, but her who has damaged the denim, and that she therefore has brought this upon herself. THIS is what happens when you mess with the natural order denim, readers. Treat it well and it will treat you well in return. Take scissors to it and cut giant holes out of its butt cheeks, and you’ll find your bare ass on TheFashionPolice.net. If this doesn’t prove our point, then nothing will.
Denim, you see, is not meant to be messed with. It’s one of those things that can be our very best friend, if we let it – where would we be without our favourite pair of jeans, for instance?, the ones that fit perfectly and always make us feel good when we pull them on? Treat denim badly, however, by chopping it up, adding bits of “bling”, or trying to turn it into something it just doesn’t want to turn into, and denim will turn out to be the worst enemy you ever had. Look at what happened to these three, for instance, when they got on the wrong side of denim:
Not pretty, is it?
Denim doesn’t want to have pieces of flair attached to it. It doesn’t want to be acid washed, or given fringes and pleats and all kinds of fancy accessories. It definitely doesn’t want to be “teamed” with MOAR DENIM. You can see what happens when you try to bend it to your will in this way.
Denim needs to be kept simple. Classic. Simple washes. Minimal ripping and shredding – in fact, this kind of thing really needs to happen naturally, or to at least LOOK like it happened naturally, for it to work. Definitely no drop crotches, or appliques, or, God-forbid, embroidery or transfers. Remember the 90s, and those “Flinstones” jeans people used to wear? Do you want to go back to that again? DO you?
What we’re trying to say here is that these Dolce & Gabanna lace jeans may not look too bad now.
You may even be looking at them and thinking, “Well, honestly, it’s ABOUT TIME someone did something interesting with denim! A bit of lace is edgy, and not in the least bit “Madonna in the Like A Virgin video.”
Give denim an inch, though, and it’ll take a mile. Before you know what happened, this will be you:
And you wouldn’t want THAT now, would you?
(The Dolce & Gabbana jeans are sold out at Yoox.com. The rest of the items are all under lock and key in the Fashion Police jail. This includes Britney and Justin. They’re up for parole in… they’re never up for parole.)
Lady Gaga has a lot to answer for, doesn’t she? She would totally wear these boots: and, thanks to her, so would an entire new generation of dressers who’re currently growing up with a motto of “What Would Gaga Do?” (WWGD)
(We reckon Victoria Beckham might wear them too, albeit she’d go for the standard black versions rather than this 70s swirl. After all, they’re not exactly the same as the Antonio Berardi boots VB wore a few years back, but they’re not exactly different either. And, actually, if we had to choose between them, in some kind of weird-boot face-off, we think these ones would probably win. At least they look like they have some kind of support for the heel.)
These are by Sole Boutique, and they’re called ‘Cora’. They’re also available in black (both patent and regular), although the “red zebra” version shown above is far more of an attention-getter. Well, red zebras always are, aren’t they? The full height is 8″, with the platform itself being 5″, which is actually higher than most stiletto heels, so if you’re a heel hater, these definitely aren’t going to be for you. And to be honest, if you’re a heel lover, well, these may not be for you either. They’re those kinda boots.
We have to admit, we’re really curious as to what it would feel like to actually wear these. We’d be a full 8″ taller than we are now, obviously, which would push even your short-ass Chief of Police into the 6″ bracket, and that would be quite something to experience. Then again, could we walk in them? We are, of course, professional heel-walkers, and have yet to meet a shoe we couldn’t tame, but these… we’re not so sure. Logic dictates that they must be easier to walk in than they look, but then logic also dictates that no-one in their right mind would want to wear harem pants, and we all know what happened THERE.
Kind of weird from the back, aren’t they?
What’s interesting about this, is that Sole Boutique also make shoes that look like this:
Now, we’re not necessarily saying these are any better or any worse than the shoes shown at the top of the page. That’s a matter of opinion. They ARE very different, though, no? What happened here, we wonder? What was the scene in the Sole Boutique workroom? Did one of the designers have too much coffee one day and think, “Screw it! I’m sick of making pretty little floral print pumps! Ima make shoes Lady Gaga would be proud off!”Or, alternatively, did one rogue designer figure out that s/he wasn’t REALLY a Frankenshoe kinda person, to be honest, and stay up nights trying to restore some balance to the world, using floral print as his medium?
We will never know, readers. We’d really like to, though.
Meanwhile, here’s what the first shoes look like on:
We would show you what the second pair look like on, too, but… you can all imagine a pair of floral pumps on feet, right? Right.
Both of these styles are available at Karmaloop. Click here to buy them.
Well, we love polka dots, there’s point in even trying to pretend we don’t. We also love nipped-in waists, flared skirts, and boat-necks, all of which help to create that 50s silhouette, which is everywhere right now, but which we loved before it became fashionable, and will still love when it’s been replaced with something else. Oh, and we also love Closet. This was always going to be a winner for us.
The Case for the Prosecution:
See, all we can think of now is Minnie Mouse. Add some big yellow shoes (and someone definitely will) and you’ll be able to wear it to Halloween!
(Kate Middleton wore white after Labor Day and STILL got to marry a prince…)
