Brrr! Getting pretty nippy out there, isn’t it? Better watch out, or you heels will get cold! And by “heels”, we are, of course, referring to the ones on your shoes, not the ones on your feet. Your feet will be fine in the cold. Seriously, it’s your shoes you need to worry about. Well, you buy a pair of Miu Miu’s, you don’t want to risk them getting cold and running away, do you?
Luckily, these ones come complete with their own little furry jacket on the heel to stop that happening. We think it’s comical, but we know a lot of our readers are fond of what we’ve come to think of as “roadkill fashion”, so if you’re one of them, you can click here to buy yourself a pair of these. Don’t forget to tell us what you think of them first, though!
It is true, we would all like our legs to be considered deer-like, and it is also true that few of us are blessed with cervine pins… but the Fashion Police can unequivocally state that popping a few reindeer on your leggings is never the answer!
Indeed, patterned tights like these, with their banded design, are more likely to draw attention to the bits many of us would frankly rather hide, broadening calves and thighs and drawing the eye down towards the knee region…
And that’s before we’ve even touched on the fact that Christmas-themed clothes? Are pretty much always a crime!
If you fancy rocking the reindeer look this winter, you can pick these leggings up at River Island for £24.99.
This dress sold out almost instantly when it arrived at Net-a-Porter a few weeks ago, which kinda surprised us really because, quite apart from the £2,225 price tag, the combination of leather, lace and floral embroidery just didn’t strike us as the kind of thing that would have widespread appeal, especially when you consider the back view:
Are you a tall girl feeling left out by the influx of shants to the fashion world? Dying to buy a pair but can’t find any in a long enough inseam? Well mourn no longer: Tall and All have come to your aid! Yes, the sheer sparkle pants are available in lengths from 35” to 40” so tall girls everywhere can show off their underwear when they go out.
Now of course we’re not recommending you actually buy these pants, but it’s nice to know that the option is there, should you want it. And don’t get us started on the silver lurex that these are made of.
If you are tall and desperate to wear shants, you can buy this pair here for £35.
“The cool girl’s alternative to leggings” say Net-a-Porter of this item. “Stuck together crime of fashion” say Fashion Police. For yes, this is a pair of leggings with a skirt stuck to them. Mind you, there is no risk of these leggings being worn as pants, is there? But look, look at what they have been styled with! We do believe this is yet another example of the peep toe boots rule (if it has been styled with peep toe boots, it is probably a crime of fashion).
But what’s that Net-A-Porter? You want how much for this viscose-nylon blend creation? £645 you say? Why yes, that’s a perfectly reasonable price for a pair of leggings.
What do you think though readers? Would you wear a leggings-skirt hybrid? Would you pay £645 for it? If the answer to both those questions is yes, then click here to buy.
That’s a whole bunch of oxymorons right there in the title. Fur sandals? Sandal booties? It just doesn’t make sense. You may also be forgiven for thinking that that’s a small dog you’re looking at. But no, it’s just another pointless shoe from Opening Ceremony. Why you would need faux fur and an open heel and peep toes is beyond us, but there must be a market for it, or it would’t exist – especially not for $525.
Can you think of a reason to wear these readers? What weather conditions would you need? Hot for the peep toes or cold for the fur? If you can think of a suitable time to wear these, please let us know. And if you want to buy them, they are available at Shopbop.
These pants really are hedging all their bets. Aiming to appeal to those who likes flares AND those who like skinnies, as well as to those who like to wear skirts and those who prefer trousers, we think they’ve ended up combining the worst of all worlds. We also think they look a bit like the kind of garment you’d see on a cartoon super-villain, complete with little “cape” at the back. We’re not quite sure what such a villain would be called – StrangePantsWoman doesn’t quite seem to cut it – or what she’d do (other than spreading fashion crimes throughout the land, obviously), but rest assured, The Fashion Police will be on red alert looking out for her, and you probably should be too.
If, on the other hand, you feel you’d rather join her in her quest to wear two types of pants at the same time, your fee for that will be $550 and you can click here to begin.
