Don’t party too hard this New Year, kids: bad fashion can happen at any time… Have a great New Year! Love, The Fashion Police x
Believe it or not, this is not underwear you are looking at. It is, in fact, a denim dress. With sheer panels stuck in for no reason that we can fathom. Did we mention that the back of it is sheer too?
Well, isn’t that thoughtful? Y-3 have created a sweater we can hand out to our fashion criminals when we finally let them out of jail, 23 years later, so they can, er, boast about their incarceration. Well, we say “hand them out”: they’re £609 each, and if we spent that amount on a sweater, we’d be forced to arrest ourselves, so, needless to say, that won’t be happening. If you want to pretend to have been in prison for 23 years, however, and you have £609 to spare, you can click here to buy one of these for yourself.
We were rather hoping that the shants trend had gone off and died a horrible death, as we had not been unfortunate enough to clap eyes on any examples of it recently. Sadly, that has not proved to be the case and Miss Selfridge are attempting to revive the look for the new season, with this rather garish pair. They are 100% polyester so we can’t begin to imagine the static cling that will be in store for your legs if you succumb and buy a pair. What do you think? Are leopard print shants the one thing missing from your spring wardrobe that will make all the difference next season? If so, you can buy these here for £45.
“I flash!” proclaims this shoe, proudly. “We’d much rather you didn’t, actually,” answer The Fashion Police, “Because we’ve seen this kind of thing before, you see, and we’ve arrested it every single time…” Yes, this is another example of the shoe that lights up when you walk. Because obviously every other time that’s been done it’s been a huge success. That’s why you’re always seeing people walking around with light-up shoes. Oh no, wait, that doesn’t happen, does it? Because light-up heels tend to look ugly, and also because we’re not five years old any more. Here’s a close-up of that heel:
Topshop are selling these knitted pants. And that’s all they are prepared to say on the matter. There are no pictures of them styled with anything, no suggestions of what you would wear them with and nothing to say whether they are supposed to be underwear or outerwear. Just that they are high waisted, knitted black pants. Which we could kind of see for ourselves from the picture. At £40 and with them being marked dry clean only, we have to assume that they are outerwear. But where would you wear them and with what? If you have an answer to that question then please let us know! And if you love them and want to buy them, you can…
The Proenza Schouler team apparently took the terms “three quarter length” dress a little too literally here: looks like they got three quarters of the way through making it, then thought, “Ah, what the hell, let’s open a few beers instead!” What’s strange about this is that three-quarters of the dress doesn’t mean three-quarters of the price, and this retails for £450: not bad for three quarters of a day’s work! Nice work if you can get it, guys, and if you can get it, well, you may as well just keep on doing it, and maybe even charge as much as £760 for it, no? (Click here to buy)
This model looks confused. She’s wearing something described as a sleeveless waistcoat (surely it wouldn’t be a waistcoat, it would be a cardigan if it wasn’t sleeveless?), but that’s not what’s confusing her. Oh no. She’s just caught sight of her back view in the mirror. Seems whoever knitted this got the pages stuck together in the pattern book and made half a waistcoat, half a v neck sweater. WIth a handy hole for your, er, back. What do you think ? Do you want an open v neck on your back, or do you prefer your knitwear to be made from just the one pattern?
Well, folks, we’re starting to wind down for the holidays, and we know many of you are, too, so all that remains is for us to hang up our police hats for the time being and wish you all a very happy holiday, however you’re spending it. We’ll be back next week with more crimes of fashion, but for now we leave you with these images of the wonderful Lars Holdus in just two of the sweaters from his truly amazing holiday sweater collection: we love it! The Fashion Police x
So, erm, yeah. Anyone else seeing a model wrapped in a blanket here? Yes? Us too. But that, my friends, is one very expensive blanket. Can you guess how much Net-A-Porter would like in return for this blanket, er, poncho? Go on, guess. We bet you didn’t guess £1,895 did you? We told you it was expensive. For that price you only get a 45% wool blend. And no, the rest of it is not cashmere or silk, it’s synthetic. Got £1900 to spend on a poncho? You can buy this here.
Last winter, the trend was lots of fur, feathers, and basically anything else that would drive home the point that you were wearing a dead animal on your body. This year, however, it’s far cooler to look like you’re STILL wearing that animal, but it’s starting to look a little the worse for wear, hence the “plucked bird” effect. What do you think: cosy and cute, or just… a little bit sad? (Click here to buy it)
For some reason that’s never really been clear to us, fashion designers seem to find it harder to make a decent pair of trousers than almost any other item of clothing. This is why we arrest far more pairs of pants than we do skirts, dresses, or anything else you care to name. It’s also why this gallery is but a small sampling of the many pairs of hideous pants out there in the world: we just didn’t have time for them all. We hope you enjoy it anyway… (Remember, you can click on the link at the bottom of each image to be taken to the original post, which should contain product details. Bear in mind, though, that these…
Apparently, Ugly Betty has dropped the “ugly”. Which, we’re assuming, is how these absolute stunners ended up for sale on the Yoox.com website, cast out of Betty’s wardrobe in a moment of fashion clarity… But, seriously, who doesn’t love an Argyle/floral/heart-embellished cross-breed pattern on their legs? With such bright base colours to build upon, the variety of costume toppers is unlimited! Perhaps you could turn these ugly ducklings into swans? If so, you can pick up a pair reduced from £130 to £79 from Yoox.com.
Oh Topshop. Just when we thought you couldn’t produce anything worse, you go and surpass yourself and come out with this. A sheer skirt stuck to a pair of gold sequin hotpants. Perhaps we should be grateful that you are not encouraging people to wear the hotpants on their own and you are offering them something not quite resembling modesty? Perhaps in this case, the stuck together aspect of the clothing is actually good thing? Perhaps not. If you want to buy this, Topshop are asking $110 in the US and £55 in the UK.
So, this trend for clothes that don’t have even the slightest chance of looking good on anyone except a model, or those who have model-like figures? We’d really like that to stop now. We’re begging you here, designers. Also, this dress? It’s going to allow you to take VPL to a whole new level, isn’t it? Awesome. (Click here to buy)
For those of you who looked at Tsumori Chisato’s fringed jacket and thought. “I’d have that – if only it weren’t $982…”, River Island have the answer. Their brown dreadlock tassel cardigan looks equally as though it has been made out of mop heads – but at £49.99 is a fraction of the price! Ideal, perhaps, for those who wish to try out the dreadlock look, but without the months of growing their hair but not actually washing or brushing it, this cardigan gives you all the benefits of Rasta chic without the heady scent usually associated with unwashed tresses. Plus, as previously mentioned, in a tight spot you could use your cardi to mop up any emergency spillages! Get…
We came across the Trashy Diva website (thanks to reader Kat) and wanted, well, just about everything if we’re honest. Contrary to its name, the site stocks gorgeous fitted frocks, jackets, skirts and wonderful accessories. In particular though, we were rather taken with this Rosalind dress. The site describes it as ‘very slimming’ and we can definitely see that that would be the case. If you love this dress as much as we do, it’s $275 at Trashy Diva.
These socks have been deliberately made to look like they’re in need of a really good wash. They’re $62. There is no hope left for the fashion victims of the world… (Click here to buy them)
It looks like some sort of creature just exploded out of these boots. How else would you explain the faux fur that seems to be leaking out of every seam? We’re not sure any self-respecting cowboy would want to be seen in them either. They’re some sort of moccasin-UGG boot hybrid and those aren’t words we should ever have to type. The side view isn’t much better either: Oh yes, did we mention that they are $639 (£402)? Got that kind of money to spend on ugly boots? Think we’re completely wrong and that these boots are actually fabulous? Tell us! And click here to buy the boots.
Is it a skirt? Is it a trouser? No – well, actually, yes, it is a trouser, but cleverly designed to pool in a deceptively skirt-like manner around the feet! Kinda like the culottes that were so popular in the 80s, only longer. We can’t help but wonder about the practicality of these trousers. One of the pros of the recent trend for cigarette pants is the lack of dragging heels, of that flap of fabric that gets stuck under your every step and turns a smart pair of trousers into shabby tramp pants at an alarming rate. These might not so much flap under your heels as trip you up completely! Although, they might prove extraordinarily useful if you…