Woah, man, these pants are, like, totally awesome! Like really, way out! If I stare long enough, I can totally, like, see stuff in them! Sweet, dude!
Of course, if you’re not a seventies hippy throwback, you might find reason to question the design of these trousers. If, for example, the idea of camel toe doesn’t appeal, a pattern which emphasises the area may not be to your taste. Similarly, if you’d rather minimise your thighs, big circular targets highlighting each individually might not create the desired effect.
Or maybe you’re tall and svelte and want to play up the 70s revival, in which case these brocade trousers, teamed with wooden platforms and loose flowing locks could be the perfect solution! If so you can grab a pair from Net-a-Porter for £985.
Looks like this skirt got caught on a several rusty nails and the whole thing has started to unravel. What’s that you say Topshop? Oh it’s supposed to look like that is it? Then why are you charging £80 for it when it’s falling to pieces? We were relieved to discover on closer inspection that you do get a white underskirt part for your money as well, not just the threads, but still, £80? Come on Topshop, you know us better than that. We’re arresting you for Daylight Robbery.
If you disagree and think that this skirt is value for money (and someone must, it’s already sold out in a size 8 despite being in the New In section), then you can buy it here.
Forget 1911, Trussardi: these are more like 1992, in the form of a shoe. Remember all of those plaid shirts that came with the grunge movements? Well, imagine one of those shirts shredded, and turned into a shoe. Now imagine all of those shredded bits on the heel trailing through the puddles on a grim day in January. They’ll function a little like a duster, collection stray pieces of dirt and debris, and allowing you to drag them all over town, before bringing them home with you, attached to your shoes. And to think, you’ll have paid $559 for this!
Mind you, it’s possible that we’re being a little harsh on these sneakers. Perhaps you like them. Perhaps they make you feel all warm, and cosy, like the comfortable woolen blanket they appear to be made of.
The Fashion Police would like to make it clear that we don’t actually torture the fashion criminals who wind up in our jail. If we did though, well, this could be a good way to do it: we’re sure (or we hope) it’s not actually painful, but hey, it would be kinda funny, no?
Don’t worry, though, this “facial jewellery” isn’t actually supposed to look good. It was created by Turkish jewellery designer Burcu Büyükünal, as a kind of “anti-jewellery” which aims to draw attention to societies fascination with plastic surgery, and question our ideas of beauty and adornment. Very worthy, we’re sure, but we still wouldn’t fancy actually wearing this: what if our mums were right and the wind changed, forcing our faces to stay like that forever? It doesn’t bear thinking about…
For more information on the pieces, take a look here.
OK, so we must admit, we kind of like these. They’re studded tights, after all, and we think they’d make a great way to make a simple dress or skirt look a little more interesting.
Here’s the thing, though: they’re tights. And they’re £565 / $885. We could buy a holiday for that much, and at least we wouldn’t be able to ladder it first time we wore it. The product description sadly neglects to tell us just how thick these tights are, but unless they’re reinforced with iron or something, we just now we’d be able to ruin them without even thinking about it, and to be honest, it would be quicker and easier to just take our £565 and throw it directly into the trash, rather than using it to buy these tights, laddering them beyond repair and THEN throwing them in the trash.
If $800 is but a drop in the ocean to you, though, and you’re more than happy to spend it on tights, you can buy these ones at Far Fetch. Just don’t let the cat near them…
If you’re anything like us, you’re probably sick to death by now of hearing about how very “on trend” clogs are right now.
We’re not going to tell you that. Instead, we’re simply going to ask you what you’d wear with clogs, if you absolutely HAD to wear them. And to make it interesting, we’re going to turn it into a Style Challenge, and ask you to submit a Polyvore set to show us your outfit.
Sound simple? The clogs in question are Jeffrey Campbell’s ‘Charli C’ clogs, which are $124 at Solestruck. You’ll find the rules of the game under the jump: we can’t wait to see what you come up with!
Miu Miu wool collar and bow dress
Olivia Rubin ‘Lily’ brocade dress
