Crimes of Fashion, Swimwear

The Topless Bikini, by Victoria’s Secret: exactly what it sounds like

The Topless Bikini

Over the past couple of days, The Fashion Police have received a number of reports relating to a certain “topless bikini” being sold by Victoria’s Secret for the sum of $68. Well, we sent a couple of our officers to investigate, and yes, it’s true: you can see the evidence before you.

Now if, like us, one of your first instincts here was to quibble with the description of this, er, garment, as a “bikini”, let us first of all set your mind at rest on that score:

Yes, it IS, in fact, a two-piece swimming costume. The amazing thing about THIS, though, is that the top… wait for it… is removable! Which makes it, um, exactly the same as any other bikini, just uglier. And if you DO decide to whip off your top, you’ll still get to look like your knickers are suspended from your neck. Doesn’t everyone want to look like their knickers are suspended from their neck while they’re at the beach? No?

Actually, we’re almost as concerned by the existence of this garment:

Won’t someone please think of the TAN LINES? And the amount of eyeball bleach we’d all need to stock up on, should this type of thing become the norm on beaches around the world?

The monokini has a helluva lot to answer for, that’s all we can say…

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