Now, don’t get us wrong: we’re not opposed to a hint of cleavage on a dress – as long as “hint” is the operative word. Or, OK, let’s be fair, here: sometimes it’s possible to get away with more than a “hint”, depending on the dress (and the cleavage) in question, but you have to draw the line somewhere, and we’re drawing it here, right above this Haider Ackermann number, which is £652 at Luisa Via Roma, and which barely even deserves the name “dress”, given that it’s really little more than a skirt with an extra bit of fabric to drape over the shoulder.
It would be perfect if you wanted to dress as a statue for a fancy dress party (as long as you were willing to stand with your hand cupping your boob all night, like this model), of course, but that aside, how would you wear this, readers? We’re going to be generous and assume the answer to that question begins with the words “NOT LIKE THIS”, but even assuming you’re supposed to wear something underneath it, we’re struggling to think of what that item would be. What could you wear that would protect your modesty, but not spoil the line of the dress, or look lumpy over the delicate fabric? A bra? A tank top? A woolly jumper? WHAT?
We think this is an Unsolved Mystery as well as a Crime of Fashion, but we have no doubt that Lady Gaga will be along soon to show us just how it’s done. Or how it’s NOT done, as the case may be. In the meantime, feel free to leave your suggested styling tips in the comments box!