Crimes of Fashion

Top 5 Fashion Crimes – October 2009


You know what? Fashion’s just really ugly right now, isn’t it? We seem to have entered into a phase where almost every trend out there is designed to be as unflattering as possible, and while you can still find the odd little gem if you look hard enough, for the most part, we’ve been finding our daily work of policing the fashion world fairly depressing. We blame the ongoing 80s revival. It makes everything look like it’s had a good hard beating with the ugly stick, and, as a result, we don’t think our cells have ever been fuller.

Here are our top five fashion hates of the moment:


1. Shoulder pads

We understand that Balmain did it.  We can just about wrap our heads around the urge to create a different, and more dramatic silhouette than we’re used to seeing. But the fact remains: shoulder pads are not flattering. Not on anyone, really. Not unless you actually ARE planning on playing American football. And the problem is, EVERYTHING comes with shoulder pads at the moment. Everything. We’ve personally had to snip the damn things out of more than a couple of sweaters and dresses lately, and we’re getting used to that sinking feeling of despair when we pull something pretty from the rack, only to recoil in horror as we realise it has shoulders that would shame Crystal Carrington. Please, fashion world, just stop it.

2. Ripped/shredded clothing

Whether it’s ripped leggings, shredded jeans or laddered tights, we hate it. It doesn’t make you look “edgy”, it makes you look like a homeless fashion victim. The tights we can live with as long as there’s another (non-laddered) pair underneath in a contrasting colour, but the Lady Gaga style ripped leggings, worn with nothing underneath, and flesh spilling out of the cracks? Pass us the eyeball bleach…

3. See-through dresses/skirts/anything else

Please, put some clothes on. Any clothes at all. Even ripped ones would be better than this trashy trend.

4. Leggings as pants

We love leggings – seriously, we do. But the important thing to remember about leggings is that LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. Got it? NOT PANTS. It’s such a simple thing, really: isn’t it amazing how many people get it wrong?

5. Anything Lady Gaga would wear.

Look, Gaga is great. Let’s leave the wet-look leotards and knickers-as-pants to her, though, eh? It’ll be better for all of us…

What are your top fashion hates right now? Tell us in the comments!

[ripped tights, Free People]
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