It’s been a while since we were last forced to arrest a fashion impostor, but these Giuseppe Zanotti boots are so clearly trying to pass themselves off as shoes that we had no choice but to swoop in and cuff ‘em.
Just to add insult to injury, these aren’t just boots-pretending-to-be-shoes, either: they’re PEEP TOE BOOTS pretending to be shoes. You know, so that you can look like you’re wearing a pair of sparkly peep toe shoes with a toe-less leather sock? Just like you’ve always wanted? No?
If this does sound like a good look to you, these are £869 at Far Fetch.
The Fashion Police love striped tops. We know some people would argue that stripes are for convicts, not for police officers, but we beg to differ, and we think these long-sleeved t-shirts are a handy kind of wardrobe basic to have around.
The thing is, though, as much as we like our long-sleeved t-shirts, we just can’t imagine paying £226 for one. Not even if we were rich. And especially not when you can get more or less the same thing for £10. OK, the Dorothy Perkins shirt on the right of this picture isn’t exactly the same as the Proenza Schouler one on the left, but it’s just one example of this style – there are a lot of stripes around at the moment, so it wouldn’t be too hard to find another one for a similar price.
Would you bother, though, or would you just buy the £226 designer shirt? Someone presumably would, because it’s currently out of stock, telling us that although we tend to save our pennies on items like this, there are presumably lots of others who wouldn’t hesitate to splurge. Are you one of them? Do you save or splurge on long-sleeved t-shirts?
Now, this would be the perfect costume for anyone thinking of dressing up as Lady Gaga this Halloween, no?
After that, you could wear it… Nope, actually that’s the only time we can imagine wearing this. And actually, we can’t even imagine wearing it then, if we’re honest. If you can, however, it’s £20 from ASOS.
We weren’t totally sold on this bag at first glance, but the lovely metallic leather won us over. And, being the fidgety type, those strips of leather would be perfect for fiddling with. This is also available in black and white or just plain black, and is £682 at Luisa Via Roma.
They’re doing this deliberately, aren’t they? No one could seriously have thought, “You know what would look great? Bleached denim harem pants! With an ugly elasticated waist! Let’s make it happen!” So we’re working on the assumption that they’re doing it just to annoy us. It’s working, too: seriously, two of our least favourite things EVER – bleached, 80s denim and a saggy crotch – together in one item. We feel like we’re being tortured slowly here. Add in the aforementioned elasticated waist, and we’ve got these on three separate counts.
Bail for these is set at £70. If you want to set them free, you can get them here.
Oh no! Look, this poor model – she must’ve fallen asleep on the job or something, and “hilarious” pranksters have snuck up on her and signed her white skinny jeans, as if they were plaster casts! If only The Fashion Police had been in the area at the time, we could’ve caught these fashion criminals in the act, but don’t worry, at least we’ll be able to read their names and track them down. Now, let’s see: Elle… Cindy… Heidi…Milla…Kate…Tyra… OMG! Supermodels have defaced these jeans! Supermodels who should know better, and show some respect for clothes! We’re horrified.
Would you wear these jeans? Bearing in mind that we totally made up the above scenario and the jeans are actually made with the signatures printed on them? We can’t help but feel that walking around with supermodel names on our thighs would just be like issuing an invitation to people to compare said thighs with Cindy, Kate, Elle, et al : and, of course, it would also be an invitation to people to walk up to you and say, “Oh my God, someone’s written all over your jeans!”
But what do you think, readers? Fashion crime? Cool way to show how much you love the supers? Tell us!
