June, 2009

Wanted! Marks & Spencer 125 Years Limited Collection ’50s Bow Dress

We know what you're thinking: it's a 50s-style dress AND it has a bow, which makes it pretty much a shoo-in as far as The Fashion Police are concerned. But this is just too perfect not to show to you: it's part of Marks & Spencer's 125 collection, which is inspired by vintage designs from the brand's archive, and it's £55 from here.

The Emperor’s New Jumpsuit, Part 2, by Missoni

If a sheer dress is a “shress” and sheer pants are “shants“, we can only assume that a sheer jumpsuit must be a “shumpsuit”. And so that’s what we’re going to call this: a shumpsuit. Luckily for all of us, this shumpsuit isn’t quite as sheer as some of the items The Fashion Police have been forced to arrest since the sheer “trend” kicked off, but wear it on a bright day with nothing underneath, and you can definitely expect some stares, if not a caution from the actual police. Presumably this shumpsuit isn’t actually supposed to be worn with nothing underneath it, though, in which case, good luck with styling it, and you can pay your £917 to Intermix,…

Daniel Palillo Layer Leggings, complete with crotch loop

So, you know how sometimes you're wearing your leggings as pants (like the cool kids do, you know?) and suddenly you don't know what to do with your hands? "God," you think, "If only I had a handy belt-loop type of arrangement that I could casually loop my thumb through! Maybe in the region of my crotch, say? Yes, that would be ace!" Thank goodness someone out there was listening to your plea and creating that very thing, eh? Because even although these leggings cost $180, we know you're going to want to rush out and buy them, in which case you'll need to go here.

Migh-T Dream Pillow Bag: the bag that’s also a pillow

A few weeks ago, we might have questioned the usefulness of a bag that can double as a pillow, but having just taken a long-haul flight, and not being great travellers at the best of times, we can actually see where the designers of the Dream Pillow Bag were going with this. We can't quite understand why the bag/pillow had to have a print featuring scary fruit people, or, indeed, why it had to be $280, but if you can, you can buy it here.

Nike jump on the gladiator sandal bandwagon

OK, that’s it: our patience is starting to wear just a little bit thin with the whole “everything must be able to have the word ‘gladiator’ applied to it” thing that’s taken over the fashion world lately. Normally sports shoes would be outwith The Fashion Police’s jurisdiction, but since we don’t think people will be able to “just do it” in these, we’re going to assume that they’re designed to be fashion items rather than purely practical.  If we were going to wear gladiator sandals, we’d go for “proper” gladiators rather than something that looks like a sport shoe that had an unfortunate run-in with a lawn mower, but if these are right up your street, they’re 80 euros from Colette….

Do my knees look big in this? Meadham Kirchhoff faded jeans

So, you know, we think it's great that someone out there is finally catering to that forgotten demographic: people who have extraordinarily large kneecaps. Or maybe these are for people who just want to LOOK like they have extraordinarily large kneecaps. We're not sure, and for $2,215, we're not going to be finding out anytime soon. If you'd like to slip into a pair of these, though, you can buy them here.

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Topshop’s foil strappy jumpsuit

As soon as this foil jumpsuit appeared on the Topshop website, the emails started to arrive, from people asking us to please, please for the love of God, just arrest it already! The most recent email on the subject came from Fashion Police reader Rose, who wrote: "Will you please please please be so kind as to arrest this horror while I will start distributing brain bleach to the poor witnesses of this crime?" Well, how could we possibly refuse a plea like that? Especially given that what we're dealing with here is an item of clothing which even emphasises the mannequin's lumpy bits. Jump suit, consider yourself under arrest.

Guest Post: Blinded by the ‘Keep Watch’ Leggings from Mishka

A guest post by Ashley Reiner of the Houston Fashion Trends Examiner. Ashley writes… "Leggings have been all over the place for several years now.  Designers are finding every way possible to make them their own– whether through different fabrics, lengths, or prints. And, if you also have a strange affinity for body parts, then Mishka has got you covered. The Keep Watch Leggings are depicted with a rather creepy eyeball print.  But these babies are not just any eyes; no, that would be too normal.  These overly rounded, floating eyeballs are bloodshot red.  They take "eyes at the back of your head" to a whole new level.  Can you say disturbing? For those of you mass murderers and scientists…

Guest Post – Handbag of the Week: Foley + Corinna Jet Setter Junior

 This guest post was submitted by Deka of That's Hideous! Deka writes… Foley + Corinna started making their mark in the handbag world in 1999. They are best known for their Mid City Tote, but I prefer this Jet Setter Junior. It comes in lots of colors (purple, black, chestnut, magenta, white, blue, gray, red, sliver) as well as standard and metallic leather. It is the perfect chic bag for work but can be used any time! It also would make a great carry-on while traveling. If you think it would work for you, find it at Luna Boston for $425. Deka is the writer of That's Hideous! and lives in San Francisco, California. She brings attention to all things ugly:…

Style on Trial: Galliano fringed shoulder bag

Fringe. Even although we know it can look stunning in the right hands, we're so used to seeing it in the wrong ones that we've come to have a deep mistrust of it, which leads us to mistrust our initial judgements on the be-fringed fashion items that cross our paths. Take this Galliano handbag, for instance. We can't help but feel that putting an arm through that strap would feel a little bit like plunging it into the depths of the jungle, not knowing what might be lurking there waiting to bite it off. This image alone is enough to make us say "thanks, but no thanks", but you may see things differently. In fact, you may think the fringing…

Does My Bum Look Big In This? Sophia Kokosalaki stretch wrap crepe trousers

We're really glad this model was styled with leggings underneath her trousers. Because that would just have looked silly otherwise, wouldn't it? On the other hand, perhaps she was too busy trying to detract us from the fact that these pants are designed to make the person wearing them look both stumpy AND hippy, by means of using lots of volume in the hips and cutting them off at that strange point in the middle of the calf that's almost guaranteed to make even the tallest, leggiest of us look vertically challenged. Still, at least the leggings detract from the visible pockets. There's just no way we'd have considered paying 298 euros for these otherwise! [Product Page]

Best of The Fashion Police: The C-String

The C-String caused quite a stir when we first wrote about it, with some of you saying you wouldn't wear it as part of a Wear or Die, and others claiming that y'all didn't know what you were talking about, and that this was the best thing since… well, since the G-String, basically. As you may or may not be able to tell from the image above, the C-String is like a g-string, with one important different: it has no straps at all, so when you slip it on, it just kind of, er, clings there. The Fashion Police wouldn't normally get involved with matters of lingerie, because we tend to think that what people wear under their clothes is…

Fashion Police Checkpoint: Tell us what you’re wearing!

STOP! This is a Fashion Police checkpoint, and before you can proceed with what you’re doing, we’re going to need to take a complete inventory of everything you’re wearing! OK, so it’s just for fun, and because we’re super-nosey, but humour us here: tell us what you’re wearing right this very second: we promise we won’t judge you!

Case Closed: Paris Hilton in cutaway swimsuit

We've been wondering for a while now just who's been buying all of those cutaway swimsuits the stores just can't seem to stop churning out at the moment… We wonder no more. This photo of Paris Hilton is a few weeks old, but it still answers that all-important question.  Tell us, though: are we alone in hating this swimwear trend? Because they always remind us of those outfits female bodybuilders wear, and they always seem to come in the loudest, most garish prints available – in fact, Paris, here, is wearing one of the more subtle of this type of swimsuit, and "subtle" isn't a word we're used to using in the same sentence as "Paris Hilton". And yet, it's…

Fashion Police Poll: Lingerie – pretty or practical?

We love lingerie. In fact, it's one of our weaknesses in life, and the prettier and more extravagant it looks, the better. Here's the thing, though: despite buying more than our fair share of luxurious lingerie, we hardly ever wear it. It just never seems to work out right: that frilly, frothy bra may have looked gorgeous in the store, and it'll probably look great on, too, but it'll also leave all kinds of lumps and bumps under our top, which will totally ruin the look. And those pretty little knickers may be the last word in luxury, but unless they're as comfortable as they are good-looking, we'll be reaching for something plainer but comfier and less likely to be…

Guest Post: The Plaid Drape Skirt by Rojas

 This guest post was submitted by Ashley Reiner. Ashley writes…    Not new to The Fashion Police by any means, Rojas has done it again.  What they call a “drape skirt,” in fact looks like leftover fabric stuck to the sides of the skirt. Which leaves us to wonder: who on earth would this look flattering on?  No one, that’s who.  Even those with flawless bodies will still risk looking like they have fat deposits only on their hips.But, if you’re still not convinced, then you can find this picnic cloth skirt for $80 at Karmaloop.     Author Bio: Ashley Reiner is currently a fashion design student in Houston, Texas.  Saying she has a love for fashion would be…

Best of The Fashion Police: Cloggens

They look like Crocs, they're ugly like Crocs, but these are not Crocs: no, they're Cloggens, the style enemy you (possibly) didn't know you had. Note the denim insert on the front: we'd probably arrest any shoe made out of denim, but when the rest of the shoe is a plastic Croc-a-like? Ho, boy… Although we originally arrested these a couple of years ago, some pairs of Cloggens managed to evade arrest, and you can still buy them today, for $20, although we have no idea why you'd actually want to. [About Best of The Fashion Police]

Fashion Trends: Floral print bustiers

Summertime generally means lots of floral prints in the stores, and this year, as well as the usual floral dresses and skirts, we've also been seeing a lot of floral print bustiers, whether strapless or with spaghetti straps. This look is a little bit 50s, a little bit 90s, and we really like it – the tops look great with either jeans or a skirt, and can be sexy without being OTT. But that's just us: what do you think of these? 1. Printed 50s bustier, River Island, £24.99; 2. Antipodium Floral Boobytrap Cotton Bustier Top, £163, Bunnyhug; 3. Rose bustier top, $26.99, Charlotte Russe; 4. Floral bra top, £25, Oli; 5. Ditsy print bustier top with detachable straps, £16,…