Imagine if there was a shoe superhero: someone who existed purely to save the world from ugly shoes, and show us all the pretty ones.
Well, there is: she's called Shoeperwoman, and having been working undercover for The Fashion Police for quite some time now, we decided it was time for Shoeperwoman to branch out with a blog of her own. So she did.
Shoeperwoman.com is a blog about shoes, and you can read it here. Don't worry, The Fashion Police will still be bringing you your regular doses of Shoe Porn and arresting crimes of footwear fashion, but over at Shoeperwoman it's all shoes, all the time. Why not take a look?
"WHAT? You never seen a chick with giant shoulders before?"
You know how we've said a few times that shoulder pads are coming back? We totally weren't joking about that.
These dresses, by Konstantina Mittas's Kraai are what happens when we allow this things to go unchecked. As you can see, the shoulder pads get totally out of control, and then they try to take over the world, and everyone dies.
Actually, we really quite like these, as things to look at. As dresses we'd pay $1,600 to wear outside of the house? Not so much. Take a look under the jump if you want to see some more, and if you'd like to actually buy one, they're available here.
Be honest now: have you ever been out somewhere, found yourself stuck for a bottle opener and thought, "Damn, if only my SHOES could do the trick?"
Er, no, we haven't either. Someone must be having this very problem, though, for Hot Topic have come up with the solution. Their bottle opener shoes are $39.99, and come with the aforementioned bottle opener in the 4" stiletto heel.
Yes, we thought we'd stumbled onto a site for exotic dancers too, when we found them. If you think they'll come in handy, however, you can buy a pair here.
This dress wouldn't ordinarily have attracted our attention, but as we were out policing the streets a few weeks ago, we happened to spot a girl wearing it, and can report that it looks great on, with a bit of a vintage/rockabilly feel to it.
Or maybe she was just one of those lucky women who look good in absolutely everything, who knows.
Either way, we can also report that the dress is currently on sale for the bargain price of £12.50. It's currently only available online in sizes 6 and 8, but you may be able to find other sizes in-store. If you wear one of the sizes mentioned, though, you can buy it online here.
We found this image on theFail Blog, so we have no idea where they come from, or even if they're real. We can only hope not, because.,, well, because they're jeans that create the appearance of a giant vulva, basically. That's not good, people. That's not good at all…
Every time we look at these shoes we're reminded of that old 'Banbury Cross' nursery rhyme and the line about "rings on her fingers and bells on her toes". These shoes will quite literally give you bells on your toes, but here's the thing: they'll give you bells on your ankles, too. Quite a lot of them, actually. And therein lies the problem. Because these shoes are not ugly. Or we wouldn't kick them out of the shoe closet, put it that way. They will, however, be noisy. In the way that, say, a cat is noisy when it's wearing one of those collars with the little bells on, only multiplied by about 50-odd bells. On each foot.
We're just not sure we could live with that, to be honest. Definitely not for our police uniforms, anyway, because how would we be able to sneak up on fashion criminals when our ankles and toes were tinkling merrily away? And possibly not for our civilian outfits, either, because we like to be silent when we're raiding the fridge, say. Or, you know, walking.
What say you, readers? Would you like to have music wherever you go? If so, these are by Azzedine Alaia and they're a whopping £1,340 from Browns.
So far 2009 has been very much the year of the ‘It’ jacket (See: Balmain’s military style denim jacket for evidence of this). This Balenciaga effort, however, is not so much of an ‘It’ jacket, as as ‘What is it?” jacket. Mousy, for instance, who reported it to us, thought it was perhaps the discarded shell of CP3O from Star Wars. And if it is, The Fashion Police will have to take this incident very seriously, of course, and ask: HOW DID IT HAPPEN? Who killed C3PO?
We may never know. What we DO know, however, is that we’ll never find out what it looks like on, because it’s £3,260. What do you think of, though? Do you like this futuristic style?
We loved Victoria's Beckham's two dress collections, but with the dresses front them selling for around £2,000 each, we knew we'd never actually buy one. Luckily it's ASOS to the rescue, with this bright red pencil dress, which looks rather similar to the dress Victoria wore back in February this year, which was one of her own designs.
Luckily the ASSO version comes without the hefty price tag. It's £38, and you can buy it here.
