"If I flash my bra at you, Fashion Police, will it distract you from the suit? No? Damn."
Looks like multicoloured suit crimes are on the increase: last week we arrested Katy Perry for wearing an outfit we can still see when we close our eyes, so vivid were its colours, and now poor Leighton Meester finds herself similarly attired, in this Alexander McQueen creation.
Leighton won't be joining Katy in the Fashion Police jail, however, because this image was taken for the New York Times magazine, making the stylist for the shoot the true criminal here, and Leighton but a helpless victim.
Following on so quickly after what we think of as The Katy Perry Incident, not to mention today's Wear or Die selection, however, we have to admit, we're concerned. Who will be the next victim of the Multicoloured Suits? Where will it all end? And what on earth would Chuck Bass think?
It's often said in our comments section that the Fashion Police "hate" all jumpsuits. We'd just like to take this opportunity to say that this isn't true: we don't actually hate ALL jumpsuits: just the ones that look like this.
(We do hate almost everything that has a swirly, psychedelic kind of print on it, though. That's certainly true.)
With that said, we present the two outfits above as this week's Wear or Die dilemma. Option A comes from Mango, and is £55. Option B is a Topshop creation, which doesn't seem to be available to buy yet, but don't worry, that doesn't stop us offering it to you today.
You know the rules, folks: you must pick one of the above outfits to wear in public, or face certain death. You must wear the outfits as shown above – no covering them up with coats, dresses or other items!
Well, we guess this is ONE way to stop your tank top coming untucked, and, on the plus side, it doesn't involve those pesky "crotch poppers" you get on body suits, which has to be a good thing because we hate those.
On the other hand… well, suspenders don't tend to give a great line under clothes, and is the untucked tank really such an issue, we wonder? In other words, is it enough of a problem that you'd want to attach your top to your stockings, and pay $195 for the privilege?
We're going to go with "no", here. If you're saying an emphatic "YES, where can I buy it?!" though, you can get it at Shopbop. What do you think?
First things first: the "Love This" sticker on the blazer on the right of this picture comes from the River Island website, not from The Fashion Police
With that said, though, we really have to agree with them: we DO love it. And given the choice between it and the ABS blazer on the right, our money would go to River Island every time. The "Splurge" jacket may have the more traditional menswear shape, but we think the cheaper version would be more flattering to the female figure, so it's the one we'd go for, even if money were no object.
Every time we come across a beautiful white dress we tend to think, "Lovely – but where on earth would we wear it?" For Manoush's 'Marilyn' dress, however, we're sure we'd think of something. We're loving the waist, which is emphasised here with a matching cinch belt, while the crinkle-effect full skirt does have something of the Marilyn Monroe about it. It's £300, and you can buy it at ASOS.
Question: why is it so often the ugliest designer pieces that end up being copied for the high street? Case in point, Louis Vuitton's Stephen Sprouse graffito leggings. They've been around for a while now, and have never been even the slightest bit appealing to us, so we have no idea why River Island would want to make their own version. Make them they did, though, and they're currently selling them for £16.99 per pair, which is considerably less than the LV versions. Tempted?
This may prove to be a controversial edition of Shoe Porn, because we know not everyone will appreciate the extravagant colours and shape of these Diego Dolcini wedges - or, indeed, the 5.7″ heel.
But we do. If you do, too, these are £270 at Yoox.com.
Given that the illustration above is a drawing and not a photograph, you’ll be relieved to know that this is one fashion idea that has yet to come to fruition. And we’re sure you’ll all join with us in offering thanks to the Style Gods above for that.
The idea is simple, yet… terrible. Take one hairy chested male. Add a t-shirt with strategic cut-outs, through which the chest rug can be seen. What do you get? Well, you get a crime of fashion, obviously, but thankfully one that doesn’t actually exist. Yet. Give it time, though, give it time…
