April, 2009

Dress of the Day: Tropical flower print dress from Oasis

Floral print dresses are impossible to avoid at this time of year, but we think this one from Oasis is one of the nicer ones available right now. We love the bold, vibrant colours, the square neckline, the fitted bodice, the wide skirt.. Er, that would be everything then, basically. One thing we would like to request, however, is a wider range of sizes from Oasis: come on folks, how about it? The dress is £85 and you can buy it here.

Shoe Porn: Patent peep toe stilettos by Pierre Hardy

These shoes were brought to our attention by Shoeperwoman – if you haven’t seen her new shoe blog yet, go check it out here. They’re by Pierre Hardy, are 463 euros at Louisa Viaroma, and that curvy shape, high stiletto and peep toe says two words to us: SHOE PORN. In fact, this is surely one of the most serious cases of Shoe Porn The Fashion Police have come across this year so far, and as such, we’re sorry, but we’re going to have to confiscate them. If anyone needs us, we’ll be prancing around in our new shoes, er, we mean filing a case report on this very serious, er, incident.

Clothes-That-Are-Joined-Together Crimes: Stella McCartney’s Tuxedo jumpsuit

Today Stella McCartney has been found guilty of contravening The Fashion Police Law under point 6:1 -“Creation of Clothes-That-Are-Stuck-Together”. Stella tried to get this piece under our radar by describing it as a “jumpsuit”, but we weren’t fooled: it’s a tuxedo jacket attacked to a pair of pants, and that’s a sight we hoped we’d never have to see. Evidence submitted in Ms McCartney’s trial included the oft-quoted, “If it can make even a mannequin look a bit ‘hippy’, it’ll do exactly the same for us humans, and is therefore a crime of fashion.” The Fashion Police hold this truth to be self-evidence: the jumpsuit is hereby remanded in custody. Bail is set at £945, payable to FarFetch.com.

CONFIRMED: Clothes Ripper on the loose, situation critical

The Fashion Police have just received confirmation that a deadly new fashion criminal, known only as The Clothes Ripper, is on the loose. The confirmation comes in the shape of this top from Topshop, and we don't know what frightens us most: the fact that the top in question had to go through such a painful and humiliating ordeal to get into the state, or the fact that we know people will actually wear it like this, rather than as a layering piece, as Topshop suggest. All that remains for us to ask now is: who – or what – will be the next victim of THE CLOTHES RIPPER?

Peaches Geldof’s leggings shredded by wild animals, Fashion Police investigating

 Peaches Geldof is a "celebrity" we tend to see rather a lot of these days, and now we're seeing even more of her, after her leggings were apparently mauled by a pack of wild animals as Peaches walked through central London, yesterday. "This was a horrific attack on an innocent pair of black leggings," said a Fashion Police officer. "It left poor Peaches flashing rather more thigh than would generally be considered decent, and we'd hate to see the tan-lines she would've been left with if the sun had been out. Lovers of fashion should rest assured that the Force is pulling out all the stops to bring these depraved animals to justice – and we'll also be supplying Peaches…

Dress of the Day: Two-in-one halter dress from New Look

Grey and black wouldn’t have been our first choice for a summery dress, and we’d probably have gotten round to making this one our Dress of the Day much sooner if it had been available in a more vibrant colour. That aside, we love the shape, particularly the bodice, and we love the price even more – this is just £25, and you can buy it at New Look.

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Drop-crotch leggings by Maria Kaya

Just in case you thought that whole drop-crotch thing had finally died the painful death it deserves, here’s the evidence to the contrary, courtesy of Maria Kaya, and a model who looks like she’s desperately trying to hold on until the next bathroom stop. Don’t worry, sweetie, there are facilities at the Fashion Police Jail. Which, by coincidence, is exactly where you’re headed…

Shay Todd contrast ruffle bikini: for instant wardrobe malfunction

We had originally bypassed this bikini when we spotted it at Net-a-Porter this morinhg, thinking that although it wasn't to our taste, it was probably only a minor fashion offence, if that. Then Fashion Police reader Matthew wrote to us to point out what had been staring us in the face all along: the fact that this "ruffle bikini" is, in fact, exactly that. It's a gigantic ruffle, with no visible means of support, or, indeed, anythinhg to stop it flying up in an ocean breeze, leaving you flashing the girls to the world. And you know what? We think he's right: Going by the evidence in front of us, we'd say this is, as charged, just a giant ruffle….

Say hello to Shoeperwoman: a new blog from the makers of The Fashion Police!

Imagine if there was a shoe superhero: someone who existed purely to save the world from ugly shoes, and show us all the pretty ones. Well, there is: she's called Shoeperwoman, and having been working undercover for The Fashion Police for quite some time now, we decided it was time for Shoeperwoman to branch out with a blog of her own. So she did. Shoeperwoman.com is a blog about shoes, and you can read it here. Don't worry, The Fashion Police will still be bringing you your regular doses of Shoe Porn and arresting crimes of footwear fashion, but over at Shoeperwoman it's all shoes, all the time. Why not take a look?

Kraii dresses: they’re bringing shoulders back

 "WHAT? You never seen a chick with giant shoulders before?" You know how we've said a few times that shoulder pads are coming back? We totally weren't joking about that. These dresses, by Konstantina Mittas's Kraai are what happens when we allow this things to go unchecked. As you can see, the shoulder pads get totally out of control, and then they try to take over the world, and everyone dies. Actually, we really quite like these, as things to look at. As dresses we'd pay $1,600 to wear outside of the house? Not so much. Take a look under the jump if you want to see some more, and if you'd like to actually buy one, they're available here.

Hot Topic make shoes that double as bottle openers

Be honest now: have you ever been out somewhere, found yourself stuck for a bottle opener and thought, "Damn, if only my SHOES could do the trick?" Er, no, we haven't either. Someone must be having this very problem, though, for Hot Topic have come up with the solution. Their bottle opener shoes are $39.99, and come with the aforementioned bottle opener in the 4" stiletto heel. Yes, we thought we'd stumbled onto a site for exotic dancers too, when we found them. If you think they'll come in handy, however, you can buy a pair here.

Dress of the Day: Be Beau gingham prom dress from Matalan

This dress wouldn't ordinarily have attracted our attention, but as we were out policing the streets a few weeks ago, we happened to spot a girl wearing it, and can report that it looks great on, with a bit of a vintage/rockabilly feel to it. Or maybe she was just one of those lucky women who look good in absolutely everything, who knows. Either way, we can also report that the dress is currently on sale for the bargain price of £12.50. It's currently only available online in sizes 6 and 8, but you may be able to find other sizes in-store. If you wear one of the sizes mentioned, though, you can buy it online here.

Azzedine Alaia python sandals with bells: noisy but nice(ish)

Every time we look at these shoes we're reminded of that old 'Banbury Cross' nursery rhyme and the line about "rings on her fingers and bells on her toes". These shoes will quite literally give you bells on your toes, but here's the thing: they'll give you bells on your ankles, too. Quite a lot of them, actually. And therein lies the problem. Because these shoes are not ugly. Or we wouldn't kick them out of the shoe closet, put it that way. They will, however, be noisy. In the way that, say, a cat is noisy when it's wearing one of those collars with the little bells on, only multiplied by about 50-odd bells. On each foot. We're just not…

Balenciaga’s pleated metal jacket: for the well-dressed ‘droid

So far 2009 has been very much the year of the ‘It’ jacket (See: Balmain’s military style denim jacket for evidence of this). This Balenciaga effort, however, is not so much of an ‘It’ jacket, as as ‘What is it?” jacket. Mousy, for instance, who reported it to us, thought it was perhaps the discarded shell of CP3O from Star Wars. And if it is, The Fashion Police will have to take this incident very seriously, of course, and ask: HOW DID IT HAPPEN? Who killed C3PO? We may never know. What we DO know, however, is that we’ll never find out what it looks like on, because it’s £3,260. What do you think of, though? Do you like this futuristic…

Style Stealer: Victoria Beckham’s red pencil dress

We loved Victoria's Beckham's two dress collections, but with the dresses front them selling for around £2,000 each, we knew we'd never actually buy one. Luckily it's ASOS to the rescue, with this bright red pencil dress, which looks rather similar to the dress Victoria wore back in February this year, which was one of her own designs. Luckily the ASSO version comes without the hefty price tag. It's £38, and you can buy it here.

Dress of the Day: Felipe Oliviera Baptista green strapless dress

 We hesitated over this one, really we did. You see, the £1,180 price tag made us turn as green as the dress, but the fact is: we love it, and you can't help what you love, can you? We love the combination of red and green (who says they should never be seen?), the suggestion of an hourglass shape, and the little fold over peaks on the neckline, which don't really show up on this picture, but which are there, trust us. If it was a little – or, OK, a LOT – cheaper, we'd be all over this, so we couldn't not make it our Dress of the Day. It's by Felipe Oliviera Baptista, and you can buy it…

Ugly Prom Dress Arrest: Animal print – now with added belly-flashing

Oh, now that’s just GREAT: we’re going to have “Eye of the Tiger” stuck in our heads ALL DAY now. “Risin’ up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance, now I’m back on my feet Just a model and her will to wear ugly prom dresses…” This dress is by Jovani, and can be purchased here for $485. It’s funny because, just last week, someone commented on an ancient Ugly Prom Dress post about another Jovani dress, saying that we’re not allowed to dislike Jovani dresses because, OMG, it’s JOVANI, its, like, the BEST LABEL EVER, and that, clearly the only reason we would claim not to like any of their dresses* is because we just can’t…

Fashion Trends: Union Jack clothing and accessories

This is a trend that's been growing for a while now, with designers like Alexander McQueen probably the main perpetrators. This week, though, we've noticed a veritable explosion of Union Jack print. Seriously, it's like the flag just threw up all over the high street, and, as you would probably expect, Topshop is leading the charge there, with everything from leggings to handbags emblazoned with the print. (It's even cropping up in soft furnishings, as Keeping It Realtor can testify.) The use of the Union Jack in fashion is obviously nothing new, but what do you think of its current popularity surge, encouraged by the likes of Agyness Deyn and co? Is it something you'd wear? Union Jack blazer, £75,…

Save or Splurge: Red cropped trousers by ASOS and Jil Sander

First up, we'd just like to say that it was not The Fashion Police who ruthlessly chopped off the top of the head of the model above, it was ASOS themselves. Sorry, model! Second up: There are lots of differences between the two pairs of trousers seen here: in fact, the only real similarity is that they're both red, and they're both cropped. Personally, we much prefer the narrow legs and flat front of the ASOS versions on the left, which are more streamlined, with a bit of a pin-up girl vibe. That said, we'd kinda prefer the length of the Jil Sander pants on the right, which also look a little more comfortable. If money was no option, which would you choose? Would you Save or Splurge?