Er, excuse us love, you seem to have forgotten your trousers… Whoops, no, our mistake! It’s a dress, isn’t it? Oh God, it’s a dress, and it’s exactly the kind of dress The Fashion Police hate, with enough volume up top to hide several people under and then… nothing. It only just skims the crotch, making it look like the slightest movement will leave you vulnerable to a wardrobe malfunction of the "knicker flashing" variety.
That’s how it looks on this model, anyway, and OK, granted, she’s probably a little taller than average. Maybe it would look better on a shorter person. Or with leggings. Or… actually, no, we give in: we wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation to put a belt around it to give it at least SOME shape, and that would just look silly, and make it even shorter than it is already, so we’re just going to stick to our original impression, which was that this is decidedly not for us.
Is it for you, though? We’ve spoken of our total aversion to "tent dresses" before, so we have a clear bias against this kind of style, and are probably therefore not the best people to stand in judgment of it. What do you think of it?
We feature a lot of very ugly items of clothing here at The Fashion Police, but haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like to actually WEAR some of them? Well, wonder no more: our intrepid Officer Mousy has been on a top secret mission to Topshop, where she tried on these pink foil skinny jeans - strictly in the name of research, you understand. She sent us this report from the Front Line of Fashion:
Continuing with the green theme we were talking about just yesterday, the vibrant colour of this Miu Miu mini dress is almost enough to make us forget how much we normally hate empire waists. If it’s enough to make you want to pay 690 euros, you can buy it here.
Since last Friday’s Ugly Prom Dress roundup, we’ve had lots of reports of even more prom dress crimes. The Fashion Police fear these are the work of an organised Ugly Prom Dress Crime Ring, but please don’t be alarmed: rest assured that we’re working round the clock to round up the offenders and make the world of proms a safe place once more. Well, as safe as it ever was, anyway.
Here are some of the latest occupants of our cells. All of the suspects on this page are being sold as prom dresses. We live in frightening times, clearly.
Now, we know women in the, er, more mature age group don’t exactly have an easy job of it when it comes to finding flattering evening wear. But we’ll say it again: just because you’re no longer in your teens, you needn’t think we’re going to let you get away with dressing like the villainess from a panto, is that clear?
This dress was reported by Feike, who says: "Everything that could be wrong with a decent, nonrevealing dress is crammed into this one – it glitters, it’s frumpy, it has funky shoulders and if it isn’t the colour (and texture?) of vomit, it is the colour that will make you vomit. Also, the collar makes me think of snakes for some reason."
It makes us think of snakes too. Probably because it seems to have been designed to make the wearer look like a snake. So very wrong…
It’s round two of the ongoing Star Style War between Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, as the two continue with their promotional work for Bride Wars. Anne won round 1, but now the show has moved on to Berlin, where we’re pitting the stars against each other once more, and…
Actually, wait. This isn’t a fair fight, is it? In fact, we’re thinking we should just call this one off, because clearly no one told Anne Hathaway what was happening, and she turned up in an outfit that, while not actively ugly, isn’t really suitable for a Style War, is it? Or, indeed, a movie premiere. She is an unarmed woman, so to speak, so we think Kate would win this one by default, even if she hadn’t turned up looking this good.
Or would she? Maybe you like Anne’s pared-down, "I’m not even going to try" look? Do you?
The poll has been running ever since, though, and we can now announce that we have a clear winner. Ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police Jury, the biggest fashion crime of 2008, as voted by YOU, was…. CROCS!
Yes, for the second year running, Crocs were your most loathed item of clothing/footwear, and it’s not hard to see why. We may have thought their popularity had started to fade, but clearly your dislike of them has not! Crocs polled 20.7% of the total vote, with the second-place fashion crime, harem pants, polling 18.5%. See the results in full under the jump…
We have to admit, when we first stumbled across this little beauty, it gave us quite a turn. It was in the “dresses” section at Saks, you see, and when you’ve been happily browsing page after page of pretty dresses and then THIS crops up – well, it’ll give you a shock, won’t it?
This is not a dress, though. It’s a kaftan. A sheer kaftan, which makes us wonder: how were Dolce & Gabbana intending us to wear it? Did they want us to wear it in public, for instance, with skinny jeans underneath, as shown in the photo above? Or did they intend for us to wear it as lounge-wear, in the privacy of our own home? If so, we have one more question: who pays $2,350 for their lounge wear? (Other than J.Lo, presumably. And possibly Beyonce.)
We, of course, can’t imagine buying or wearing something like this under ANY circumstances, but if you would, we hope you’ll take a few seconds to share with us what those circumstances would be, before heading over to Saks with your $2,350.
We have to admit, when we first stumbled across 
