Crimes of Fashion

Invasion of the designer jumpsuits


It’s started. They’re coming for us. Baggy, shapeless items of clothing that, in some cases, cost more than a small mortgage repayment. They’ve already successfully infiltrated the Net-a-Porter website, which is where you’ll find each of the three fashion criminals shown in our line-up: where will be next, we wonder? (We’d put money on Topshop being next, personally, but Browns will probably fall before the Invasion of the Designer Jumpsuits, too, just you wait and see.) The Fashion Police would love to say they have a handle on the situation, but quite frankly, our enemies outnumber us to such an extent these days that we’re starting to feel overwhelmed by them…

Of the three jumpsuits shown above, the middle one is by Paul & Joe, and it’s flanked on either side by Stella McCartney creations. We could just about see ourselves wearing the suit on the far right of the picture, which is actually pretty inoffensive: what we can’t see, no matter how hard we strain our eyes, is ourselves ever wanting to hand over £625/$939 for it. As for the other two: no. Just no. Not even if the prices shown were what they willing to pay us to wear them.

What about you,readers? Do you welcome the Designer Jumpsuits and their bid to take over the world, or will you be joining us in the Resistance?

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