| | Monthly Archives: February 2008Celebrity Fashion Roundup: Elle MacPherson, Natalie Portman | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Here’s the latest from the almost permanently under Fashion Police arrest, Comme des Fashion Criminals.
There’s really nothing we need to add here, is there?
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Short sleeve jackets. I love ‘em. I mean, seriously, they’re adorable, aren’t they? Here’s the thing, though: they’re almost completely useless. Or they are to me, anyway. The short sleeve jackets fail to fulfill one of the most important functions of outerwear, which is to keep you warm. For this reason, they fail.
Maybe it’s just me. See, I seem to feel the cold more than most people. I am rarely without a cardi or a (long-sleeved) jacket, even on the warmest of days, just in case it gets a little chilly. I know not everyone is like this. I know this because I see people walk past Fashion Police HQ every day, wearing just jeans and t-shirts. IN FEBRUARY. But I feel the cold, and when I do, I need to cover my arms. This is why, as cute as our short-sleeved-jacket friends are, I can’t imagine a single scenario in which I would ever be able to wear them.
My thinking is this: if it’s cold enough to need a jacket, it’s too cold to go out with bare arms. Conversely, if it’s warm enough for bare arms, it’s too warm for a trench coat. You see where I’m coming from here? And of course, I guess you could wear the short sleeved jackets with long sleeves underneath, but I’m guessing that would kind of defeat the purpose, no?
Tell me: are you with me on the short-sleeved jacket issue? Or is it really just me?
Jackets, L-R: cap sleeve jacket, Topshop; Double breasted jacket, Oli; sort sleeve belted Macintosh, Warehouse
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Despite being based in Scotland, The Fashion Police do not count themselves amongst those women who go weak at the knees over Men in Kilts. Our reasons for this are twofold:
1. Kilts are made of tartan.
The Fashion Police have no love for the tartan, the Clashy McClash thing it is.
2. Most men don’t know how to wear skirts.
It’s true. You see, we women know that you move and sit differently in a skirt or dress than you do in a pair of trousers, say. It’s like one of those instinctual, feminine things we’re all born with. Men, however, do not know this. So if you ever go to a Scottish wedding, you’ll see a lot of men siting around in kilts with their legs splayed wide open, or standing in a kind of "ape" posture, in a bid to compensate for the fact that they are, in fact, wearing a skirt. "This is no skirt!" they seem to say. "This is a KILT, and by God, I am a MAN in it. Rawr!"
Of course, all of this has absolutely nothing to do with the picture above, because this is not a kilt, it’s a Utilikilt, and instead of the ubiquitous tartan, it’s made of a poly-cotton blend, with pockets. So, it’s kind of a cross between a kilt and a pair of cargo pants. Those ancient Scottish warriors could only have dreamed of such a thing.
Like it? Loathe it? Want to buy one for the man in your life?
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This week I’ve been reading Hadley Freeman’s excellent book, The Meaning of Sunglasses (which we’ll be reviewing next week sometime). In the book, Hadley makes the observation that, with a few notable exceptions, denim is really best kept for jeans. I think I’d have to agree, particularly in reference to these denim skirts, which are new in at Miss Selfridge this week.
A well-cut denim mini skirt I can just about handle, in certain situations, and on certain people. Denim skirts like these ones, though – well, for some reason they’re making me think of bleached blonde permed hair (with the roots showing) worn with neon coloured "scrunchies", huge fake nails, white frilly ankle socks and trainers. I have no idea why that’s the image that pops into my head when I look at these, but there you have it.
What do you think of denim skirts, then? And, more specifically, what do you think of these denim skirts? Would you wear them? And, if so, what would you wear them with? So many questions needing answers…
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Today’s dress of the day was nominated by Fashion Police reader Kirsten, and is the Zimmermann ‘Ziggy’ dress from Shopbop.
Not being big "pint" people, we’d like this better if it was a little plainer, but it’s always good to get a bit of variety, so if you’ve spotted a dress you really think deserves to be the Fashion Police Dress of the Day, please feel free to email us and tell us about it, or we might never know, and that poor, poor dress will miss its 15 minutes of fame.
This one is 100% silk, costs $294, and has hidden pockets in the seams, making a nice, casual piece for a summer holiday, or for layering over leggings or jeans.
More from The Fashion Police:
>> More dresses
>> Some crimes of fashion
>> Fashion disasters
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As far as The Fashion Police are concerned, anything that makes our love handles look like: a) they’re sliding down our legs and b) they could be concealing small children inside them, such is their size, has to be a crime of fashion.
This is why we don’t like jodhpurs.
And braces? (or "suspenders" if you’re Stateside.) We have no love for the braces, either. For one, there’s just no need for them, and for two, they can lead to excruciating, would-be sexy photoshoots featuring Keira Knightley, and frankly, we feel dirty just thinking about that.
These braces, of course, are of the "just for decoration" variety (because, yeah, the hips on those things clearly weren’t big enough already…), which makes us spurn them even more. Buy them if you must, but before you do, let us first assure you that yes, your bum does look big in them…
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There comes a time in everyone’s life when the demands of fashion and practicality just clash. After all, no one really wants to look like a giant, pod-headed alien, but now that’s it’s raining more than ever (to quote Rihanna) we just bet there’s a small part of you – and yes, it may be a very small part – looking at the picture of this glamorous woman with her head in a bubble and just wishing you were her.
No? Not even a little bit?
For those of you who do love this concept, it’s called the Nubrella, and it uses a patent-pending shoulder strap and offset handle to envelope your head and shoulders in a transparent bubble, thus keeping you dry, from the shoulders up at least. The rest of you will just have to stay wet. Sorry.
No, it doesn’t look good, and we can’t really imagine Rihanna dancing with one onstage, but we have to admit that the sight of a street full of people, all wearing these things would be something to behold… Buy it here – and if you do, we’d absolutely love to see the photos of you wearing it…
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