As far as The Fashion Police are concerned, anything that makes our love handles look like: a) they’re sliding down our legs and b) they could be concealing small children inside them, such is their size, has to be a crime of fashion.

This is why we don’t like jodhpurs.

And braces? (or "suspenders" if you’re Stateside.) We have no love for the braces, either. For one, there’s just no need for them, and for two, they can lead to excruciating, would-be sexy photoshoots featuring Keira Knightley, and frankly, we feel dirty just thinking about that.

These braces, of course, are of the "just for decoration" variety (because, yeah, the hips on those things clearly weren’t big enough already…), which makes us spurn them even more. Buy them if you must, but before you do, let us first assure you that yes, your bum does look big in them…