Sock Horror!

Fashion Police Declare Zero Tolerance on Novelty Socks

Noveltysocks It’s that time of year again: the shops have set up their Christmas trees, it’s colder than a witch’s nipple outside and Mariah Carey is probably preparing yet another Christmas compilation which will allow her to dress in a "sexy Santa" outfit and frighten little kids.

More worrying than any of these, though, is the fact that, this month, even relatively sensible fashion stores like Dorothy Perkins and Topshop are selling "kerrazy", "wacky"…novelty socks.

Now, we know this isn’t going to go down well. We know many of you will be all, "But Fashion Police , novelty socks are CUTE! They’re so kerrazy and wacky and FUN!" But we don’t care. You will not melt our cold, stony hearts with your "wacky", "fun" footwear, which is why this season we’re adopting a Zero Tolerance policy on novelty socks. Novelty socks are for your "cool" uncle Kevin, who will wear them on Christmas day with his Reindeer tie and his shiny suit trousers. They are not for the rest of us. There is no need to dress like a cartoon character to demonstrate how "zany" and "wacky" you are, so leave the novelty socks for small kids and Uncle Kev, and let’s have a normally-stockinged Christmas, no? 

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