I hate this trend for cutaway one pieces we’ve been seeing lately. I don’t know quite what it is about them that makes me hate them so much. I think it’s something to do with the way that although they provide more coverage than the average bikini, they still somehow manage to look a bit indecent, like the kind of thing a pole dancer would wear. When they’re covered in animal print and accessoried with a small dog in a matching bandanna – well, there really is no excuse, is there? Paris Hilton, please – when are you going to start that whole "dressing like a laydee" thing you promised us?