Monthly Archives

July 2007

Fashion Police

Fashion Criminal: Shanessa from Big Brother 8’s entrance outfit

ShanessabigbrotherApologies for the small picture, but I think you can see what I’m getting at  here (there’s a better pic here if you want to see one). We don’t normally bother with the sartorial choices of Big Brother contestants here at The Fashion Police (we leave that to our Big Brother blog ) but as we were just talking about muffin top, here’s a perfect example of how not to let it all hang out.

This is Shanessa Reilly, would be Big Brother housemate, care worker and, er, pole dancer. Clearly the pole dancing part of her personality was the dominant part on Friday night, when she chose to enter the BB house wearing this little pink dress – with "little" being the operative word. Either that or there were no mirrors wherever she was getting ready for the show. (*Miaow* Saucer of milk for The Fashion Police, please…)

Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crimewatch – top five fashion crimes in Glasgow this weekend


The Fashion Police were out and about in Glasgow this weekend, folks, and while Glasgow is actually a pretty stylish city in general, it has its fair share of Fashion Criminals too. These were the worst five fashion crimes we spotted:

1. Nude tights with short shorts 

If you’re going to wear shorts in the city, you have to have the confidence to pull it off. That, I’m afraid, means bare legs. While opaque tights are acceptable under shorts in the winter (we’re actually loving this look), nude tights are never acceptable under short shorts. Not in any circumstances. Sorry.

2. White linen trousers with VPL
If you absolutely must wear white linen trousers, for the love of God, get yourself some nude underwear (note: not tights. See point 1, above). Because if you’re wearing blinding white undies with thin white linen, why, you may as well just walk around in your knickers, no?

3. Muffin top
I love low rise jeans and trousers, I really do. They’re so much more flattering than high-waisters, and yes, that goes for anyone with a bit a belly, too. While high waists will cut into your belly, making it flop unattractively, low riders will sit on your hips, creating the illusion of less flab. There is one huge exception to this rule, though, and that’s when your low rise jeans are a size or two too small, creating the phenomenon known as "muffin top". That’s just not nice. The answer? Buy clothes that fit you properly, easy as that.

4. Dressing inappropriately for the weather
I know it’s technically summer, but when it’s pouring with rain almost 24/7, going into the city in nothing but one of those swimsuit coverups from Topshop that we featured a few weeks ago is a recipe for disaster. Yes, that coverup is very pretty, and it does make a nice dress, but it also goes see-through when wet, and the girl I saw wearing one in the pouring rain did not look like a happy bunny…

5. Crocs.
Need I say more? (Actually, since my last visit to Glasgow, I see a Crocs store has opened up in Buchanan Galleries. I almost wept.)


Handbag of the Day: Coach’s Legacy leather satchel


When I go fantasy-shopping for designer handbags (which is I do far more often than is probably good for me) I always seem to forget about Coach. This is obviously stupid of me, because would you lookit this! It’s the leather legacy satchel, and it has that lovely substantial look about it that you only get with the best quality handbags. I can almost smell it. It’s the perfect "everyday" bag, and a world away from all of the logo-a-gogo bags that Coach also make, and it’s available in tan and black. I want.

Style On Trial

On Trial: Do you wear opaque tights in summer?


A couple of weeks ago I had me a bit of a fashion dilemma. You see, we’d been invited to a barbecue, and I had the perfect little dress to wear to it. But it was cold, and also: raining. My legs? Were pale and luminous, and completely unfit to be seen in public. The only solution available to me seemed to be to wear it with a pair of black opaque tights, so I tried them on. It looked great. One problem, though: I have this "thing" about wearing opaque tights in the summer, and by "a thing" I mean "I just won’t do it". It seems to me to be somehow wrong to be wearing opaques during the so-called summer, even if the weather’s cool, and it’s not much of a summer at all. So, I stiuffed my trusty old tights back in their drawer, and I pulled on my jeans, just as I’d always known I would.

Today though, I stumbled across this picture of Joely Richardson at last night’s premiere of The Bourne Ultimatum, and she seems to be channeling last year’s Sienna Miller, in her gold dress and black opaque tights. So I ask you all: do you wear opaques in the summer? Would you? And what do you think when you see other people doing it? Poll after the jump…

Knitwear, Wanted!

Wanted! Marc by Marc Jacobs wool thermal tunic for winter

MarcjacobsthermaltunicYes, yes, I know what I’ve said about tunics in the past, and no, I’m not changing my mind. Not completely, anyway. I still think tunics have the power to make even the slimmest woman look pregnant, but I can’t help being drawn to this thermal version courtesy of Marc by Marc Jacobs.

It’s partly the little bow that’s doing it (y’all know by now how I feel about bows) but it’s also the fact that it’s thermal. Remember my "I’m always freezing, even in summertime?" problem? Well, I’m thinking that thermal clothing could be a good way around that, and while a thermal tunic could just mean that I done lost my mind, I’m going to bookmark it anyway. Could be a hard winter, folks, you never know.

Celebrity Fashion, Handbags

Versace’s Fall 2007 ad campaign featuring Kate Moss and the blue fur bag of doom


Well, well – Kate Moss scrubs up good when she lays off the crack, doesn’t she? I love her hair. I like the coat on the right. I absolutely adore the dress. But… wait. What the hell kind of animal did they kill to make the bag and the yeti coat? The Bag Snob says its fox fur, and points out, quite rightly, that it looks a lot like Grover from Sesame Street. Oh my God, Versace killed Grover! Kate Moss is wearing him! What madness is this?!


Fashion News, Handbags

This is Not a Plastic Bag. This is a bag made out of recycled rubbish.


If you stood in line to get your hands on Anya Hindmarsh’s ‘I’m Not a Plastic Bag’ tote, here’s one with even better eco-credentials. Made from non-biodegradable juice and sauce packs, each one of these is unique – and they’re not made in factories, either. Dorothy Perkins tell the story behind the bags:

"Two hundred Filipino women decided to band together
and form a co-operative to clean up their neighbourhood. Initially they merely collected rubbish themselves, but as
the concept developed, they installed
big refuse bins at various local collection points such as schools, asking
people to recycle their used packs. As a
result they now collect 50,000 packs a day. The packs are then sorted,
cleaned, sanitized, sewn together and
transformed into the Rubbish Bags. Profits from the factory are divided between all the employees in the

The two styles shown above will be available at Dorothy Perkins from tomorrow.   


Dress of the Day: Peter Som’s ‘Charlotte’ dress

PetersomcharlotteNow, I’m sure I’ve seen this dress on some celebrity or other, but I can’t for the life of me remember who it was. Anyone?

This isn’t the kind of style I’d usually go for, but if I was a celebrity (or if I just had $2095 begging to be spent), I’d snap up this dress in a flash. It’s Peter Som’s ‘Charlotte’ dress, and I’m loving the little chiffon sleeves, and the fact that the floaty chiffon on top is offset by the more structured shape of the shirt and bodice. So pretty, and so totally out of my current price league, that it’s going to have to remain a dream for now. Those of you who haven’t just spent all their money on a holiday can buy it at eLuxury.


Christian Louboutin’s ‘Kiss Me’ wedges. Because you’ve always wanted to have lips on your feet…


I don’t like accessories with lips on them. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it just seems wrong, somehow, to have a giant mouth anywhere other than… well, your mouth, really…. or maybe it’s because there’s just something a bit trashy about them. Who knows. The point is, I don’t like them, and while it pains me to be critical of yet another pair of shoes by the God of Shoes, Christian Louboutin, I don’t feel he’s left me with a whole lot of choice here, has he?

With these ‘Kiss Me’ pumps, Mr Louboutin has taken what is a very nice black patent wedge and… ruined it. Why has he done it? What made him think, "I know, I’ll stick a giant pair of lips on these – that’ll work!" No, I don’t want to kiss you, Christian. In fact, I feel a bit betrayed – seeing a shoe like this from you is like finding out that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. And you just know that some people are going to buy these and wear them with the Lulu Guinness ‘Lips’ clutch we featured a few weeks ago, don’t you? Do you really want to have that on your conscience?

Outerwear, Wanted!

Wanted! Burberry Prorsum’s wide collared trenchcoat


I think I’ve probably said this before, but I tend to judge fashion labels on two main things – their dresses and their outerwear. If a label makes good dresses and jackets, I’ll probably like them, which is why I love Burberry Prorsum. It’s a world away from the ubiquitous checks that are now seen on every market stall and every tackily-dressed teenager’s back round here, and this coat is the perfect example of Prorsum’s loveliness. Of course, some of you will think the over sized collar is just way too much,  but I love me  some oversized  stuff every now and then, and I reckon these wide lapels plus the belted waist will equal a tiny looking waist for the wearer. A gorgeous twist on the classic Burberry trench, but, at £2000, not something I’m going to be seen in anytime soon, I’m afraid.

Buy: Burberry Prorsum zip trim coat

Celebrity Fashion

Fashion Criminal: How Not to Wear Prints, with Sharon Stone


Well, hi there, Clashy McClash, long time no see! Actually, I’m guessing the same could be said for Sharon Stone, here, because if she could see clearly, there is no way in hell she’s be out in public dressed like this. It’s a lesson to us all, folks: in the wrong hands, prints can be every bit as dangerous as ice picks. Don’t say Sharon didn’t warn you, now.

Shoes, Wanted!

Black and gold ‘Lulti’ sandals by Faith


It’s been a while since I found much to impress me at Faith, but I have to admit, their latest shoe collections are a bit special, and at least three pairs have now been added to my wish list. One of those pairs is these ‘Lulti’ sandals, which are £45, but look more expensive, I think. I’m going through a bit of a “black and gold” moment, which perhaps explains why these appeal to me so much, but the white and silver version is also nice (if you’re a bride, obviously).

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Crime of Fashion: Antik Batik’s tulle casual “trousers”


Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. Antik Batik are describing these as "trousers". These aren’t trousers. These? Are tights. Baggy tights. Footless tights. Baggy, footless tights with ruching. And if you think the front view is bad, the back view’s even worse, no? And if you think they’re bad in nude, wait till you see the purple and black versions… (Actually, scratch that. Nude’s the worst.)

Still, at least we know where Liza Minelli’s been doing her shopping.

Celebrity Fashion

Fabulously Fashionable: Ali Larter at NBC’s All Star party


Now, this is never going to win any awards for "most original outfit of the evening" – I mean, it’s black shorts and a shirt, how exciting can it be? – but when you have a figure like Ali Larter’s you can totally get away with rocking up to the red carpet in shorts and shirt, and no will say "boo!" to you about it. It’s true. A bit of a suntan, a classic black outfit, a big smile, and legs long enough to get away with ankle straps. God, some women have all the luck.


Handbag of the Day: Cole Haan’s ‘Village Medium Convertible’ Tote


I think "cute" is the only word for this little Cole Haan handbag. You, of course, might think other words are more appropriate, but hey, it would be a dull old world if we all liked the same things, no? The fat little belly of this bag, though, just makes me want to pick it up and hug it and I like the belt cinching it in at the top, too. It’s compact but roomy, and that’s the way I like ’em. What I don’t like so much? The $425 price tag. Gah.

Fashion Fraud Squad, Shoes

Shoe of the Day: Topshop’s metallic t-bar Miu Miu lookalikes


Looks like someone’s beeen taking notes from Miu Miu here, doesn’t it? I don’t care, though. These shoes don’t have quite the beauty of those Miu Miu t-bars I so admired a few months ago, but then, not much in life can compare to those shoes. These Topshop versions are doing a pretty good job, though, and I’m in love with that silver/blue combo, which will look fabulous with everything from jeans to party dresses. And at £50, they’re an awful lot cheaper than the Miu Miu, too.

Shoes, Style On Trial

On Trial: ‘Take a Bow’ shoes by Irregular Choice


I know Irregular choice are guilty of some of the biggest crimes of fashion ever seen on this site, but they also have moments of sheer loveliness, and for this reason I have to confess to being a bit of a fan. Yes, I love me some Irregular Choice – sometimes. Not, I hasten to add, all the time, and I’ve yet to actually take the plunge and buy a pair of their shoes, but one day I will. I’m just not sure it’ll be this pair.

I like the theory behind these shoes. Bows, velvet, pinkness… I’m just not sure I like the practice. It could be the brown lining, or it could be that the bow is just too damn big, but there’s something stopping me liking these unreservedly. What is it? Vote on them after the jump…

Oh, and if you want to buy them… Take a Bow by Irregular Choice – $111.56 at Zappos.

Celebrity Fashion, Dresses, Style Stealer

Style Stealer: Victoria Beckham’s pink ‘Moon’ dress by Roland Mouret


So, I understand Victoria Beckham’s TV documentary didn’t go down too well in the States. That’s too bad.

Love her or hate her, though, you surely must concede that this dress is to die for. It’s Roland Mouret’s ‘Moon’ dress, and I predict it’s going to be the Galaxy dress of this year. It’s available to pre-order in black and white (no hot pink though, I’m afraid – Posh must’ve beat them to it) at Net-a-Porter, but it’ll cost you £990, so those of us who don’t have access to David Beckham’s bank account might just have to wait until the inevitable high street copies come out.

Buy: Victoria Beckham’s pink Roland Mouret dress

Celebrity Fashion

Fashion Criminal: Paris Hilton in her animal print one-piece


I hate this trend for cutaway one pieces we’ve been seeing lately. I don’t know quite what it is about them that makes me hate them so much. I think it’s something to do with the way that although they provide more coverage than the average bikini, they still somehow manage to look a bit indecent, like the kind of thing a pole dancer would wear. When they’re covered in animal print and accessoried with a small dog in a matching bandanna – well, there really is no excuse, is there? Paris Hilton, please – when are you going to start that whole "dressing like a laydee" thing you promised us?


Dress of the Day: French Connection’s purple ‘Sinatra’ dress

Frenchconnectiondress I have to admit to a slight prejudice against French Connection. It’s partly because of the whole ridiculous "FCUK" thing ("Look! Our name looks a little bit rude! Hahaha!"), but it’s mostly because of the even more ridiculous sizing, which means that I can’t actually buy anything in their store, ever.

This dress won’t be to everyone’s taste, and the lack of a defined waist means it wouldn’t suit me even if they did stock a size that fitted me, but I love that rich, purple colour and the balloon sleeves (which are a current favourite of mine). With the right accessories, this could be a show-stopper, in a simple, understated kind of way (if there is such a thing). It’s also just been reduced to £20 in the French Connection sale, so if it wasn’t for the sizing issue, it would almost certainly be mine by now.