I know high waists have been making a comeback recently (even although they’re against the Fashion Police’s express orders) but these ones really take the cake, don’t they? What on earth were you thinking, Uma? Where on earth did you find these? You are gorgeous. You have a great figure. You look like you stole your 80-year-old granny’s support knickers and slipped into them – why would you do it to yourself?
The thing that confuses me most about this picture, though, is the shorts. She’s clearly just slipping out of a pair of shorts that she was wearing over the top of her, er, "bikini". Wasn’t the top of her pants sticking way the hell up above the waistband of the shorts, though? Or did the shorts reach to just under the breastbone too, old man style? And if so: why, for the love of God, WHY?