You know, I don’t know why everyone gets so wound up over Paris Hilton and her silly little infringements of the law*. Why, Paris is clearly a fine, upstanding young woman, who goes to church abd everything! Lookit Paris going to church in her pretty white dress! Now, would you throw that sweet innocent girl in jail? Yup, me too…. Love the dress though, Paris. The JC Penney version on the right isn’t quite as nice, but for $39.99, it’ll do.

* Sarcasm. Just in case it wasn’t obvious enough for ya.