Behold the under-cleavage – the cleavage that comes when your bikini top is a couple of sizes too small, and the reason why you should always make sure you jump around the changing room a few times and wave your hands in the air (like ya just don’t care, folks!) when you’re trying on a new swimsuit. If you fail to follow these steps, why, you could end up looking like Heather Locklear – or, more specifically, like Heather Locklear’s boobs, which, as you can see, are a two-pater – one part below the bikini, one part above. Don’t try it at home, kids…
I know most of you probably don’t want to even think about winter right now (God knows, I certainly don’t), but H&M have just released some pics of their new collection and it’s … well, it’s interesting to say the least. So, this is what you’ll be wearing this winter, folks: coats so voluminous you could house a small family under them and… wait, are those jogging pants? Thick, super-baggy jogging pants with – oh my Lord! – cuffs on the bottom? The hell? I dunno: I haven’t seen these clothes in the flesh, so for now I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt. There are some more pics after the jump – be sure and tell me what you think!
Ah, how is it that something so simple can be so stunning? This is just a regular old clutch bag, but the vibrant purple silk and oversized clasp turn it into something a little bit special. For those who like to flash their labels, the Emilio Pucci brand is stamped on each of the clasps, although you’d have to get pretty close to be able to see it. Fabulous with one of this season’s silk print dresses (as long as it’s not in a clashing colour), it’s £354 at Net-a-Porter.
Seriously, what’s with this look right now? I mean, this dress is by Giambattista Valli, but it still looks like Naomi here just killed some poor feathered creature and draped it around her… And hey, knowing Naomi, maybe she did?
Oh Mischa, Mischa… And you were doing so well, too. What happened here? Did you have to walk to the party and think, "I know! I’ll wear my comfy black flats to walk in, and then change into something else once I get there?" And then did you forget to pack the "something else?" Because, while there’s really nothing wrong with these shoes per se, Mischa, go with the dress they do not. This dress needs something sparkly, strappy and with a bit of a heel. It also needs something to stop it looking like it’s about to fall right off you, but one thing at a time, eh?
On the one hand, I guess you could argue that hey, at least Lindsay’s actually wearing a bra here – unlike some fashion criminals we could mention. On the other hand – does she really need to be flashing quite so much of it? No, of course she doesn’t. But then again, she’s Lindsay Lohan. Flashing parts of her anatomy are what she does now. I mean, I know she does a little bit of acting now and then, and is also about to record an album, but her true career at the moment is falling out of nightclubs in various states of undress. At least she’s not accessorised with Calumn Best this time, though…
Lindsay chose to team her bra with a grey vest and leather mini skirt, plus woolly scarf and baker-boy hat. Interesting. Look after the jump to see the full ensemble.
I wasn’t 100% sure about these jersey dresses when I first noticed them on the Dorothy Perkins website, but I had a look at them in the flesh today, and, well, let’s just say the green one has just been added to my "things to buy on payday" list. The jersey material felt good quality – not like that "spit peas through it" thin jersey you sometimes see on floral dresses – and while the dresses are empire lined, the shape is narrow enough that they won’t make you look pregnant – always a bonus, I find. Also, while the print is bold and eye-catching, it’s not that wild and kerrazy mis-mash of colours we’ve been seeing around lately, so it’s going to be a helluva lot easier to get away with. Even if you’re me.
Now, I’m pretty sure it’s not even close to Christmas yet (thank God), so what’s with all the glitter covered shoes, lately? And why do I keep finding myself drooling over them, when last Christmas I didn’t even like glitter covered shoes?
Actually, it’s not so much that I don’t like them: I obviously do, or I wouldn’t be featuring two pairs here in one week. But the thing is, I’m a complete neat-freak, and I keep having visions of all of that glitter falling off, one tiny piece at a time, and me still finding it stuck to my rugs six months six months from now. I mean, does that even happen? Does the glitter fall off shoes like these? Do you look down one night at a party and find that your shoes are suddenly bald? And if so, are these silver Dune babies worth paying £65 for?
