Fraud Squad – Promod do Primark

primarktunic Fraud Squad   Promod do Primark

Remember the floral tunic Primark brought out not so long ago? The one they were selling for £8, but which was permanently sold-out in store, so if you wanted it you were forced to pay a whole lot more than that on eBay? Well, do mine eyes deceive me, or is that not the exact same dress selling in Promod for £28? If it’s not the same, it’s not a kick in the ass off it as my mother would say. So why the £20 price difference, Promod?

Sepparated at Birth: Sienna Miller and Pat Butcher

Now, I know Sienna Miller is always being held up as some kind of style icon (although for the life of me I don’t know why), but in this still from Factory Girl she reminds me of no one more than Pat Butcher of Eastenders fame. (And yes, I know this photo isn’t of the real Pat Butcher. But you get the picture)

siennamiller Sepparated at Birth: Sienna Miller and Pat Butcher

Wanted! Miu Miu’s glittery, glittery sandals

miumiusandals Wanted! Miu Mius glittery, glittery sandals

OH. MY. GOD.

I know these shoes are so over the top that even Dorothy probably wouldn’t wear them (although drag queens probably would). I know there aren’t many events in my life that call for such very glittery shoes as these. Even so, I still want them. They’re £280 at Net-a-Porter, and hey, at least now you all know what to get me for Christmas, right?

Oi! Miss Selfridge! Sort it out!

340047046 normal Oi! Miss Selfridge! Sort it out!

See these two dresses? These dresses were going to be my salvation – a small victory in the ceaseless battle against tunics. "Why, those look almost like dresses with waists!" I gasped this morning as I saw them appear on the Miss Selfridge website (and yes, I know the one on the right doesn’t have much of a waist – it’s almost empire line, but it’s still lower and less sack-like than some of the monstrosities we’ve been seeing lately, and I thought it might be a useful little dress to pull on over my bikini on holiday). I was so excited I almost wet myself. (Note: not really)

Can I buy either of these dresses, though? No, I cannot. Because even although they’re just "new in!", Miss Selfridge don’t have any stock of them. And it’s not just my hard-to-find size that they don’t have any stock of either. No, Miss Selfridge don’t have these dresses in ANY size. So actually, you could say that there’s no point in them being on their website at all. Or on mine, come to think of it.

Miss Selfridge? When you sort it out, let me know….

COS from H&M – all a bit ‘blah’ really

ba8ca7b5fd114ee6431fa4df93c COS from H&M   all a bit blah really

H&M’s new "upmarket" line, COS, is getting ready to launch, and as the title of this post says, it’s all looking a bit, well, "blah", really, isn’t it? OK, there’s nothing particularly offensive here, but there’s not much to get excited about either, is there? (And by "not much" I mean "nothing at all"). There’s not one thing here that makes me think, "God, I must have that RIGHT NOW", and while I probably wouldn’t kick the clothes out of the wardrobe if I found them there, I don’t think I’ll be going out of my way to get my hands on them, either. H&M are clearly trying to go "classic" with this line, with lots of neautral colours and shapes, but I think it’s ended up looking just a little bit bland. Whaddya think?

On Trial: Gil Carvahlo shoe boots from Faith

gilcarvaloforfaith On Trial: Gil Carvahlo shoe boots from Faith

Now, I know big, clumpy shoes have been around for a while now, and they don’t seem to be going anywhere fast (just like you won’t be going anywhere fast when you try to walk in them), but I’m wondering now what people actually think of them? Take these clodhopping shoe boots by Gil Carvalho for Faith, for instance. Personally I think £125 is a lot of money to make yourself look like your feet have been supersized (you want fries with that?), but then it was my birthday at the weekend – am I just showing my age?

Armani adverts “promote sexual tourism”. Apparently.

armanicampaign Armani adverts promote sexual tourism. Apparently. What do you see when you look at this picture from the Armani Junior advertising campaign? Personally, I see two little girls enjoying the sunshine. One’s wearing a bikini top, but hey, lots of little girls wear bikini tops like that in the summer. They’re apparently wearing makeup, too, but I don’t really see it, and if they are – so what? Who didn’t try on their mother’s makeup when they were a kid? (Well, other than boys, anyway…)

So, that’s what I see. Some people, though, see two very sexual little beings when they look at this picture. Those people are from the Institute for the Defense of Children in Spain, and they’re demanding that Armani remove the images because they "promote sexual tourism". Uh huh.

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Giles Deacon for New Look

gilesdeaconnewlook Giles Deacon for New Look

I have to admit I’m really quite looking forward to the launch of Giles Deacon’s  collection for New Look – not because it’s Giles Deacon, or because it’s being modelled by Drew Barrymore. Not for any reason, in fact, other than that it’s a brand, spanking new clothing collection, which means that there’s an outside chance at least that it’ll contain something other than freaking tunics. Oh please, Giles, please – please have designed something other than the ubiquitous sack dresses. Because, let me just tell you, I went shopping last week for clothes to wear on my honeymoon, and what did I buy? Well, not a lot really: and what I did buy was mostly vest tops and shoes because, let’s face it, there’s actually NOTHING ELSE out there other than tunics, is there? Nothing.

Sorry. I seem to have slipped into a rant without noticing. Suffice to say, Mr Deacon’s collection will be in stores tomorrow (although probably not in my local store until sometime next season), and if it contains dresses with ACTUAL WAISTS, I will love him for it forever.