Stop! Hammer time!
La Redoute say: “You’ll love the pretty loose fit created by a deep elasticated waistband accentuated by little gathers at the waist front and back.”
The Fashion Police say: “Are you shitting us? These are HAMMER PANTS. HA.MMER. PANTS. And if Hammer looked like a baby with a full nappy in them, hey, guess what? We would too! We don’t want to have to speak to you about this again, La Redoute. Wait a minute, though – what’s this?
My eyes! My eyes! Please, someone – show me the figure that would be flattered by these. Show me the person that wouldn’t look like a giant toddler in them, and I will show you a fortunate woman indeed.
And the real kicker? They’re expecting us to pay £69 to look like this…
More Harem Pants!
This particular pair of pants is by Steve Yoni for Topshop, who clearly thinks that not only do we need to feel like we’re wearing nappies, but that most of us would quite like a bit of extra padding around the hips, thanks very much. Witness:
You don’t have to tell us: we know. We know there’s very little on the subject of harem pants that hasn’t already been said by us, but we’re going to repeat the message one more time, just for the benefit of La Redoute, who are becoming repeat offenders on this subject.
La Redoute, we just want you to know that the images seen above? Are NOT OK. We repeat: NOT OK. What you’ve essentially done here is taken a pair of ordinary khakis, and a pair of ordinary camouflage pants, and committed a “drop-crotch” crime so terrible it hardly bears looking at. One last time, La Redoute: IT’S NOT OK.
Now, we don’t want to have to speak to you about this again, understand?