February, 2007

Crime of Fashion: VPL Bras at Shopbop

It’s not the bras themselves I object to here (although I have to admit, they’re not exactly rocking my world) – it’s the presentation. And yes, I get that it’s probably supposed to be witty, or ironic or something. But it’s not really doing it for me. The poor, poor model…

Fraud Squad: Paul Smith and ASOS Do Shirt Dresses

You know that advert? The one where the man and woman are getting ready to go out, but she can’t find anything to wear, so she gets changed about a million times (because that’s what we girls are like, dontchya know!) before thinking to herself, "I know! I will totally just sling a belt around my husband’s white shirt and go out to dinner in that because it’s been washed in <insert name of washing powder> and now it’s just SO SOFT!" And then they walk into the restaurant, and she’s all, "GOD, look at me, totally rockin’ the house here in this white shirt", and everyone else is all "What a tit"? That one? Well, now you can look…

Beauty Product Review: Creme de la Mer ‘La Mer’

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I really don’t. I buy the must-have, super-dooper, will-give-you-lashes-like-a-spider’s-leg YSL Faux Cils mascara – it doesn’t work. I buy the equally must-have, so-expensive-it’ll-make-you-weep Creme de le Mer face cream, and guess what? It didn’t work. Maybe it’s me. Is it me? Does this happen to anyone else? I so badly wanted this one to work, too. See, I know I haven’t mentioned this much (only about a hundred times or so, not much AT ALL), but I’m getting married next month. It’s “the most important day of my life”, I must look PERFECT, and also: I’m a sucker for a must-have beauty product. So how did I get on with this one? Not…

Fashion Criminal: Mischa Barton

Is it a bird? Is it a …. well, in an outfit like that, it could really only be a bird, couldn’t it? Actually, though, it’s Mischa Barton, in another one of her, “God, I’m so wacky, and isn’t it funny the way people keep calling me a “fashionista” when really, I just don’t have a clue!” outfits. You’re a brave girl, Mischa, I have to hand it to you… Mischa Barton in high waisted jeans I’m not going to file this under crimes of fashion because, let’s face it, if everyone else is doing the high-waisted jeans look, then why shouldn’t Mischa? Especially given that she can get away with it more than most people can, for sure. Seriously,…

Stella McCartney Wants Size 10 Models Only

So, Stella McCartney has refused to allow anyone under a UK size 10 to model for her at Paris Fashion Week. "Good for her!" I hear you all cry. "It’s about time we saw some real women on the catwalks!" I have a problem with this, though – and it’s not that I want to see waifs on the catwalk, because I don’t. If a model is too thin to be healthy, then she shouldn’t be modeling. It’s bad news for her, it’s bad news for the fashion industry, and it’s bad news for every little girl or young woman who looks at her and thinks "that’s how I should look. That’s the weight I should be aiming for." So,…

Crime of Fashion: Harem Pants from La Redoute

Stop! Hammer time! La Redoute say: “You’ll love the pretty loose fit created by a deep elasticated waistband accentuated by little gathers at the waist front and back.” The Fashion Police say: “Are you shitting us? These are HAMMER PANTS. HA.MMER. PANTS. And if Hammer looked like a baby with a full nappy in them, hey, guess what? We would too! We don’t want to have to speak to you about this again, La Redoute. Wait a minute, though – what’s this? My eyes! My eyes! Please, someone – show me the figure that would be flattered by these. Show me the person that wouldn’t look like a giant toddler in them, and I will show you a fortunate woman…

Crime of Fashion: Ankle Cellphone Holder

Well, well! Here’s a rare treat for those of you who’ve been just struggling to find a way to turn your cellphone into a stylish fashion accessory – an ankle strap! No, the pearl are not included. No, you presumably don’t need to hoist your ankle to your ear to answer – but even so, it’s still not exactly the most convenient place to be carrying a phone, is it? I don’t know. Maybe I’m being unfair here. Maybe it’s the combination of “cellphone and strappy sandals” that’s putting me off. Maybe it’s the pearls. Maybe it’s the hilarious website this was found on (Slogan: ‘Get Yo Strap On’). Or maybe, just maybe it really is a horrendous crime of…

Fashion Police at The Oscars: Rachel Weisz

This could have all gone horribly wrong… Allover satin is a hard look to pull off, but Rachel Weisz totally manages it – with a little help from Vera Wang, of course. She looks like an Oscar statuette all on her own here, although I suspect you’d need to get a little closer to really appreciate the delicate, diamante neckline on the dress.

Fashion Police at The Oscars: Jessicsa Biel

A useful rule of thumb to go by when buying a dress: never wear anything that allows those looking at you to see exactly what you must look like naked. Jessica Biel didn’t follow that rule of thumb, did she? Not only are her boobs n’ belly on clear display here, the halter neck is making her look top heavy – which must be pretty difficult actually, when you consider how perfect her figure is. Beautiful dress, beautiful woman – they just don’t do anything for each other, do they?

Fashion Police at the Oscars: Cameron Diaz

Of course, Beyonce wasn’t the only one to look like she was going to a wedding after the show. Cameron was clearly heading down the aisle too, and let’s be honest: it’s not the first time, is it? I much preferred Cameron’s Golden Globes dress to this bride-a-like number: I know I’ll probably be alone in saying that, but the other dress was prettier and more delicate – this has a bit of an 80s vive to it that I’m not quite happy with.

Fashion Police at The Oscars: Beyonce

Now, I know bridal style fashion was all the rage at the Golden Globes, so there was a good chance it would follow through to the Oscars, but this dress? This dress actually is a wedding dress. In fact, I can distinctly remember seeing it come down the Catwalk, complete with veil, at the Armani Prive show at Paris Couture Week. See! Anything you’d like to tell us, Beyonce? Hmmm? To be fair to Beyonce, it’s a beautiful wedding dress, and if anyone can get away with it, it’s her. Glad to see she left the veil at home, though. Rachel Weisz at 2007 The Oscars: This could have all gone horribly wrong… Allover satin is a hard look to…

Fashion Police at The Oscars: Isla Fisher

I heart Isla Fisher.. Not just because she’s a fellow redhead (and because I have a bit of a weakness for Australian soaps. SO?), but because she’s just so cute. Here, Isla works the redhead’s favourite colour – green – in a gorgeous Monique Lhuillier gown, and looks totally like Jessica Rabbit in the process. Yay for the fellow redheads!

Fashion Police at The Oscars: Nicole Kidman

Wow. I have to say I was pretty impressed with this year’s Oscar frocks. Not a whole lot of policing for us to do here – obviously there were the odd few Fashion Criminals amongst the throng, but still, pretty good year I’d say… I love this bright red Balenciaga dress on Nicole Kidman. Not a colour she could have gotten away with before she went blonde, but hell, she can get away with it now, so she may as well make the most of it. Lately she’s been wearing a lot of whites and creams which are just too pale with her recent bleached look. This red is dramatic and looks great with the blonde hair and red lipstick.

Crime of Fashion: Louis Vuitton’s Tribute Patchwork Bag

Would you pay $42,000 for this bag? And if so, could you just step over here for a second, while the nice man helps you slip into the straightjacket? I mean, sure, we all knew Louis Vuitton had a batshit crazy streak a mile wide (remember the mink bum bag they tried to offend our eyesight with last year) but this is a bit much even for them. What were they thinking? What kind of people are paying $42,000 for this? Are they they same people who are buying Topshop’s denim jumpsuits, perhaps? Well done, LV. You’ve astounded even us. I can only imagine the “tribute” referred to here is a tribute to bad taste?

Wanted! ‘That’ Warehouse Silk Shift Dress

I think this just might turn out to be the “must have” dress of the summer. It’s already been giving the poor, belagured Warehouse staff a headache, as they deal with countless enquiries along the lines of “WHERE IS THE DRESS? GIVE ME THE DRESS!” so I’m guessing they’ll be pretty pleased that’s it’s finally come into stock. They’re not the only ones, obviously: it’s the perfect, summer beach holiday dress, and while I think it looks better on the model than it does on the Warehouse website, I still want it…

Crime of Fashion: Halter Neck Jumpsuit

Did you know Topshop have a whole category on their website for “playsuits” now? Did you know why? Nope, me neither: but I’m assuming it’s because they know there are people in the world who will actually pay £50 to look like they’re pregnant and sartorially challenged. It’s the only explanation. I bet someone at Topshop is sitting in the boardroom RIGHT NOW chuckling to themselves as they look at this halter neck jumpsuit and count the pennies that have been coming in from it. COME ON, Topshop! You know how we feel about dungarees. You must know denim + jumpsuit + halter neck does not a good look make. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US? When will you…

Velcro peep toes from Topshop

Vecro. It’s a fabric I haven’t worn on my shoes – on any part of my body, in fact – for, oooh, about 20 years now? And actually, now I come to think of it, it’s a fabric I really hope not to have to ever wear again – at least, not until I’m an old, old woman, sitting drooling in a chair in wipe-clean, velrcro-fastening clothes. Which is ironic, really, because that seems to be exactly the kind of market Topshop are aiming these shoes at. Go figure.

Lindsay Lohan Demonstrates How NOT to Wear Uggs…

Um, forget something, Linds? Like, maybe your skirt? Or have you just paid a visit to the Sienna Miller school of fashion? And also: when we said that Uggs can sometimes look OK? This wasn’t what we meant. Never mind, though, Linds – I’m sure it’ll be all white on the night… (Sorry, sorry, I’ll get my coat…) Lindsay Lohan still working the fedora look There’s obviously something wrong with me. This is the second time in a week I’ve found myself admiring something Lindsay Lohan is wearing. That’s two pictures of Ol’ Firecrotch on the front page of this site, what is the world coming to? Well, I dunno, but what I do know is that I love this…

Nokia’s New Fashion Phones – L’Amour Collection

What do you do when you want to make sure your product appeals to the world’s more "stylish" consumers? Why, you make your product pink, of course: or you do if you’re Nokia, anyway. They say they created this L’Amour Collection of fashion handsets in response to increased demand from stylish people. Because stylish people love pink, apparently… From right to left, we have the Nokia 7373, 7390 and 7360. The middle phone is the most feature laden of the trio, comimg with a 3-megapixel auto-focus camera, WCDMA high-speed connectivity, video calling, and a music player with one-button access. It also comes in bronse, too, which is nice. The Nokia 7373, meanwhile, has a2-megapixel camera, music and video player and…

On Trial : Does Britney Look Better Bald?

Now, I know it’s probably a cry for help and alll, but here’s the thing: I don’t actually think Britney’s bald ‘do’ looks too bad. It’s got to be better than the skanky, half-assed extensions she’s been wearin’ lately, and it’s way better than the "greasy pony tail on top of the head" look that she’s had for … oh, years now. And, you know, she’s got a pretty face, the hair was a mess – the baldness is growing on me here. So, what do you think? Drop us a comment, or vote in the poll on the sidebar…