Every time I go onto the Net-a-Porter website, I get that Barenaked Ladies song, ‘If I Had a Million Dollars’ playing in my head. If I had a million dollars, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to spend them all without leaving the house: I’d just hit up Net-a-Porter website and buy up most everything on it. For real. Now, Pucci dresses. I don’t normally go for Pucci dresses. They’re a bit busy for the likes of me (“No!” I hear you cry. “Why, Emilio Pucci, he is normally so toned down! How can you call his dresses ‘busy’, Fashion Police, HOW?), but this one? This one I like. Not enough to spend £925 on it, mind you, but I do like the classic shape (especially the flattering collar and waistline), and if I seen one just like it for… less than a grand, anyway… I could just be tempted.
Sing it with me, folks: “If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)/ I would buy me a Pucci dress of the day…”
The phrase "I want this – give me it" doesn’t really cover how I feel about this coat. I mean, y’all know I love me some evening coats, right? Well, now I feel kinda silly for drooling over those Warehouse numbers when this was out there all along. Lookit! The gorgeous, jewel-green satin, the fabulous, low cut collar, the shape of the thing! It makes those two Warehouse coats look like a coupla sacks, doesn’t it? This is £495 at Net-a-Porter, but seriously, if the Devil himself were to pop up right about now and offer to buy my soul in exchange for it, I’d be all, "Pull up a seat, Beelzebub – let’s talk." Santa? I hope you’re reading this, dude…
Lord, but Office has some funny lookin’ shoes in at the moment, with these being a prime example. I mean, just what the hell is going on here? They look all plasticky and nasty, like the kind of shoes you used to get in your Santa sack when you were four years old, and all that mattered was that the shoes be high, and the shoes be bright. Well, OK, these are both high and bright, I’ll give them that. They also look a little bit – dare I say it? – cheap, though, and lawks-a-mussy but they are cheap – £18 of cheap, in fact. Oh well, that explains it, then.
Yeah, OK, Louis Vuitton, you’re not even getting a warning for this one – it’s off to the cells with you, quick smart. I mean, what gives here? What were you – or rather, what was Marc Jacobs, for it was he who designed this – thinking? For one: it’s a bum bag (a “fanny pack” if you’re in America. Hee!). For another thing, and the most important thing, it’s a mink bum bag. So, basically what we have here is some poor dead animal with Louis Vuitton logos sprayed onto it. Why did no one say anything? Why, when Marc Jacobs walked into the design meeting with his sketches of this, did no one pipe up and say, “Er, Marc? Maybe not?”
The other thing about this? It’s freakin’ huge… And also? Ugly. For shame, LV, for shame.
Meet the latest addition to my Favourite Sellers list on eBay… No, I haven’t actually bought anything from A London Trend yet, but that’s something I suspect will be changing pretty soon. Well, as soon as I actually have some cash to splash, anyway. SEND MONEY.
Some of the clothes here are from the UK high street, others are less recognisable: prices are around £30 on buy it now, but if you’re lucky, you may be able to grab something on auction for around £10. I’m in love with the plum coloured glitter shift dress on the right of this picture, so if any of you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, you can just send it right along. Have a Fashion Police badge, A London Trend…
See, I don’t even know what to say about this. On the one hand, she’s all covered up, and that’s a good thing. On the other hand, she’s wearing a picture of Michael Jackson (who, ok, is an innocent man, and I didn’t even say he’s not! Don’t sure me, Jacko!) on her chest, and that is a … well, let’s just call it a strange thing, m’kay? So, to recap: clothes = good, Michael Jackson = bad.
Yes, I know, Dorothy Perkins call these “tops”. In my experience, though, if it looks like a dress, acts like a dress, and er, quacks like a dress, it’s probably a dress. And this? Is a dress. (Trust me, I know: I have it in green, and I can assure you, it’s a dress. A short dress, for sure, but what, are you saying I ain’t got the legs for it?) So. It’s a dress. A dress of the day, no less! Go forth and buy!
Oh, good God, here we go again… Every now and again, some bright spark designer thinks “Hey! I know what would be cool! Dungarees, that’s what!” The result? The ugly ass pants you see before you. Topshop? Why would you want to inflict this upon us? I know you’re choosing to call them “wide leg braces jeans”, but you know and I know that these? Are dungarees. And we don’t like dungarees: especially not ones with big ol’ flares, so we can look like slack jawed yokels in them. All we need is the piece of straw to hang out of our mouths and we’re good to go (to the barn dance, no doubt).
People who are paying £50 a throw to wear these? Please, tell me why?
See, I don’t even know what to say about this. On the one hand, she’s all covered up, and that’s a good thing. On the other hand, she’s wearing a picture of Michael Jackson (who, ok, is an innocent man, and I didn’t even say he’s not! Don’t sure me, Jacko!) on her chest, and that is a … well, let’s just call it a strange thing, m’kay? So, to recap: clothes = good, Michael Jackson = bad.
