Crimes of Fashion, Handbags

Crime of Fashion: Louis Vuitton’s mink bum bag

Louis Vuitton's mink bum bag
Yeah, OK, Louis Vuitton, you’re not even getting a warning for this one – it’s off to the cells with you, quick smart. I mean, what gives here? What were you – or rather, what was Marc Jacobs, for it was he who designed this – thinking? For one: it’s a bum bag (a “fanny pack” if you’re in America. Hee!). For another thing, and the most important thing, it’s a mink bum bag. So, basically what we have here is some poor dead animal with Louis Vuitton logos sprayed onto it. Why did no one say anything? Why, when Marc Jacobs walked into the design meeting with his sketches of this, did no one pipe up and say, “Er, Marc? Maybe not?”

The other thing about this? It’s freakin’ huge… And also? Ugly. For shame, LV, for shame.

Crime of Fashion: Bulga’s Leather Multi-Pocket Satchel

Bulga's Leather Multi-Pocket Satchel

Heee! And also: OMFG! OK, reassure me here: does anyone else see an old lady’s, er, private parts, when they look at this bag, or is it just me? Or perhaps you see multiple, saggy boobs? Those folds of stomach that hang over your jeans when you’ve had too much to eat? No? Just me then. Okaaaay. You’ll pay Bulga $795 to look like you’re carrying around folds of wrinkled flesh. Freud would have a field day with this one…

Fendi Spy at ASOS


I don’t know, there’s just something weird about being able to pick up a Fendi Spy at the same time as as an £8 pair of sandals, isn’t there? All credit to ASOS, though: once best known for cheap and cheerful (or sometimes just cheap) clothes in the style of D-list celebs, they really picked up their game in 2006, didn’t they? OK, so the Fendi Spy is probably never going to be in my price league (and I’d rather have a Chloe Paddington, anyway), but at least it’s nice to look at while I’m browsing for my £8 shoes…

Louis Vuitton’s Tribute Patchwork Bag

Louis Vuitton's Tribute Patchwork Bag

Would you pay $42,000 for this bag? And if so, could you just step over here for a second, while the nice man helps you slip into the straightjacket? I mean, sure, we all knew Louis Vuitton had a batshit crazy streak a mile wide (remember the mink bum bag they tried to offend our eyesight with last year) but this is a bit much even for them. What were they thinking? What kind of people are paying $42,000 for this? Are they they same people who are buying Topshop’s denim jumpsuits, perhaps?

Well done, LV. You’ve astounded even us. I can only imagine the “tribute” referred to here is a tribute to bad taste?

Louis Vuitton’s Dentelle Fersen handbag

Louis Vuitton's Dentelle Fersen handbag

So, you thought Louis Vuitton’s Patchwork Tribute bag was the worst LV had to inflict upon us, did you? Well, you were probably right. Personally, I don’t think the Dentelle Fersen is quite as bad (and it’s not nearly as bad as the mink bum bag…) but it’s plenty bad enough. And it looks like it’s been left in some mouldy old attic and got cobwebs and other nasties all over it. What gives, LV? You used to make nice handbags? Where did it all go so very, very wrong?

Wanted: Jimmy Choo’s ‘Ramona’ Tote

Jimmy Choo's 'Ramona' Tote

While I generally tend to stick to traditional “goes-with-anything” black or tan when I’m buying handbags, lately I’ve been a-hankering for a bright red one, and if I was going to buying a red handbag, this ‘Ramona’ tote bag by Jimmy Choo would probably be the one I’d go for. I love the floppy, squashy-ness of it, and I love the colour (although it does strike me as more of a winter bag than a summer one, for some reason) – gorgeous. Of course, unhappily for me, I only ever get to buy Jimmy Choo handbags in my dreams, and given that this is £1495 at Net-a-Porter I guess I can just dream on, for the time being at least…

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