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Archive for December, 2006
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
Heee! And also: OMFG! OK, reassure me here: does anyone else see an old lady’s, er, private parts, when they look at this bag, or is it just me? Or perhaps you see multiple, saggy boobs? Those folds of stomach that hang over your jeans when you’ve had too much to eat? No? Just me then. Okaaaay. You’ll pay Bulga $795 to look like you’re carrying around folds of wrinkled flesh. Freud would have a field day with this one…
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
Yup, we’re still out to dinner with TomKat, Posh and the J.Lo’s, and it looks like somebody ate just a bit too much vindaloo, hey J.Lo? Either that or she’s committed the very basic fashion crime of only looking at your outfit from the front, and not from the back and sides. Meanwhile, Victoria Beckham quietly gets on with showing everyone else up:
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
You know, I can’t help liking Katie Holmes. Despite being one part of the second-strangest pairing in recent times (first strangest: Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley), and even despite all the Scientology stuff, there’s still something quite sweet and endearing about her. The thing about Katie, though? Well, you know that scene in Clueless, where Alicia Silverstone’s character sees Brittany Murphy’s character, and she’s all, “ooh! Project!” That’s how I feel about Katie. She’s a project: a lovely young girl, perfect raw material, who just so happens to dress exactly like my mother did in the 80s. (Actually, scratch that: my mother is way more stylish than Katie Holmes. I mean, what, does she have that freaky premature ageing disease or something? No? Then why is she permanently dressed like someone’s maiden aunt, in frumpy, shapeless clothes that do absolutely nothing for her? WHY? )
The thing that sucks about this picture the most? She was out with Victoria Beckham and J.Lo at the time. GOD…
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
Auntie Em! Auntie Em! There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!
Well, we’re definitely not in Kansas any more, Toto, but hell, why not dress like we are, anyway? I seriously can’t decide whether to love this dress or hate it: every time I start feeling the love I picture myself in plaits and ankle socks and this dress, and the love kinda goes away, you know? So the jury’s still out. Luckily – and here’s a complete and utter shocker for ya, folks – Topshop don’t have it in stock in my size anyway! Well, there’s a turn up for the books…
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
Even Fashion Police cadets know that protruding nipples are SO not a good look. The answer to this most vexing of problems? Why, it’s Nippits: the concealer strips for your nips. As far as I can make out, these are sort of sticking plasters which hide your lady lumps, protecting your modesty perfectly. One question, though: how painful are they to remove?!
More fashion accessories
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
Lookit this New Look model: doesn’t she look happy, in a smug kinda "Ha ha, I’m wearing summer clothes and you’re not!" kind of way? (Well, except in the last picture, obviously. In that, she just looks pissed) And well she might: for she is modelling New Look’s Spring/Summer 07 collection, and as New Look don’t see fit to put more than a few pictures of their clothing on their website (WHY?), here is one of the few places you can actually see it. So far? I like it. Well, I like the little cropped jacket, anyway: that’s SO mine when it comes into the store. The raggedy skirt? Not so much. And the brown, yellow and blue dress? Well, I can see where they were going with it, but it looks a lot like a sack to me. A colourful sack, but still… More pics after the jump.
(more…)
Monday, December 18th, 2006
Well, what would you wear out to dinner for your mother’s birthday? Well, not this for sure. I mean, I couldn’t even stand the thought of the mis-matched undies alone, even if they were covered up. Brit’s aren’t covered up, and you know what? You really don’t need the Fashion Police to point out that this is just WRONG, so let’s just leave it there, shall we?
Sunday, December 17th, 2006
Now, I’m not disputing that this is, indeed, “the world’s most sexy jumper”, as the seller claims it is. No, what I’m disputing is that it’s meant to be worn like this, with absolutely nothing underneath it to stop your tits jumping out and swallowing someone…
Friday, December 8th, 2006
Every time I go onto the Net-a-Porter website, I get that Barenaked Ladies song, ‘If I Had a Million Dollars’ playing in my head. If I had a million dollars, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to spend them all without leaving the house: I’d just hit up Net-a-Porter website and buy up most everything on it. For real. Now, Pucci dresses. I don’t normally go for Pucci dresses. They’re a bit busy for the likes of me (”No!” I hear you cry. “Why, Emilio Pucci, he is normally so toned down! How can you call his dresses ‘busy’, Fashion Police, HOW?), but this one? This one I like. Not enough to spend £925 on it, mind you, but I do like the classic shape (especially the flattering collar and waistline), and if I seen one just like it for… less than a grand, anyway… I could just be tempted.
Sing it with me, folks: “If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)/ I would buy me a Pucci dress of the day…”
Friday, December 8th, 2006
The phrase "I want this – give me it" doesn’t really cover how I feel about this coat. I mean, y’all know I love me some evening coats, right? Well, now I feel kinda silly for drooling over those Warehouse numbers when this was out there all along. Lookit! The gorgeous, jewel-green satin, the fabulous, low cut collar, the shape of the thing! It makes those two Warehouse coats look like a coupla sacks, doesn’t it? This is £495 at Net-a-Porter, but seriously, if the Devil himself were to pop up right about now and offer to buy my soul in exchange for it, I’d be all, "Pull up a seat, Beelzebub – let’s talk." Santa? I hope you’re reading this, dude…
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