If we were on speaking terms with Topshop at the moment, I don’t really know what we’d say to it about the new Celia Birtwell capsule collection. What can you say? I mean, it’s nice and all – but "nice" is such a blah word when it comes to fashion, isn’t it. And also? I’m not even sure the green blouse can be called "nice". Moving along…
This isn’t a bad collection, by any means. I like the 70s vibe of the dress on the left – probably wouldn’t rush out and buy it (especially not for £60), but I like it all the same. The dress in the middle – like it too. The blouse? Not so much, really. All in all, no strong feelings about this one over here. I suspect that’s not a good thing…
An Open Letter to Topshop
I want this dress. I also want this jacket, and hell, while I’m at it, I’ll take the grey tweed shorts off your hands too. No need to thank me. No, really, there is no need to thank me, Topshop, and you you know why? Because I can’t buy any of these things – or, indeed, half of the other items currently listed on your shiny new website. Why? Because you don’t have them in stock in my size. Actually, come to think of it, you don’t have them in stock in anyone’s size, Topshop. In fact, let’s just cut to the chase here: you don’t have these clothes in stock at all, do you? DO YOU, Topshop?
So, what gives? I mean, there we were, all exited about your spanky new website! That is pretty! And big! And constantly updated with all of your stock! Except no, not really, Topshop. Be honest: you don’t sell clothes at all, do you? You’re just playing at being a fashion retailer, posting pretty pictures of clothes we can’t actually buy. Why are you doing it to us, Topshop, WHY? Are you doing it to TAUNT US? You are taunting us. We don’t like you any more. Send us stuff.
The Fashion Police