So, Paris Hilton has been charged, and, if we were living in an alternate universe, there’d be a chance that she could actually go to jail. Now, we all know that’s not going to happen: there’s just no way Paris will do time for her drink-driving offence, what do you think she is, an ordinary person or something? GOD.
Paris will be going to jail, though. Oh yes. She’ll be going to jail because we’re hereby arresting her for crimes against fashion in the form of these boots. “Moon boots” I believe they’re called. Well, whatever – the fact is that you’re not on the moon, Paris, and you’re not even in Aspen or Val d’Isere, or some other ski resport where these would be even just a tad more acceptable. No, Paris, you’re in LA, and this? This is not on young lady. Forget the fine, go straight to fashion jail. Do not pass ‘Go’, do not collect your £200…
I’ve been coveting this jacket for a while now, and as it would look just perfect with those gap pants we were talking about earlier, I figured now was the time to post it. Now, the last thing I need is another jacket, seriously, and it doesn’t look warm enough to withstand a Scottish winter, so I really, really don’t another jacket… All the same, this one is only $50 from JC Penney. Please, God, lead me not into temptation – I really can’t afford it…
You probably don’t need The Fashion Police to tell you that Gap are currently the place to get your skinny black pants, do you? They’ve based an enture advertising campaign around them, and have been promoting them at every possible oppoprtunity. We’ll forgive them, though: these really are an asbolute fashion essential – wear them with ballet flats and a turtle neck for the Audrey Hepburn look, and don’t let the fact that Kate Moss is a big fan of them too put you off.
I’m in love. I absolutely adore these cute little bow-front courts, and given that they’re currently only £25 per per from ASOS, I’m having a hard time persuading myself not to buy a pair in every colour they have. Not that that would exactly be extortionate, mind you: they only have them in red and black, so two colours, two pairs, £50. Pretty damn good, in my humble opinion…
Nope, your eyes do not deceive you (although they may well be bleeding if you’ve been looking at this picture for any length at all). That’s Scarlett Johansson, and yes, that’s a boiler suit she’s wearing, and ohmygod, there are no words.
Oh no, wait, there are words: the words are WHAT THE HELL? What on earth possessed the woman? Pretty face, great figure – and she goes and wastes it all with a freakin’ boiler suit. We all know not to wear boiler suits. Hell, even my six year old niece knows not to wear boiler suits: in terms of crimes of fashion, they’re right up there with dungaree dresses and braces.
Scarlett’s all “Yeah, so I am wearing a boiler suit, you wanna make something of it?” Well, yeah, Scarlett, now you come to mention it, we kind of do. You’re standing there thinking that you’re hot enough to get away with things like this. We’re here to tell you that you’re not. Yes, you’re still pretty and hot, but your boiler suit is most definitely not.
Now go and put some real clothes on, like a good girl.
I couldn’t quite bring myself to call Gwen a fashion criminal here. I mean, it’s Gwen, for Goddsake – Gwen, our most beloved fashion icon. So I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt. I’m going to assume that this sweater has some kind of baby-related purpose, like it’s a built-in papoose or sling or something, and that’s why there’s so much material at the front of it. Seriously, she could pop baby Kingston right in there, no trouble at all.
Yes, we’re going to assume that’s what it is. Everything else about her look here is great, so let’s just keep on telling ourselves that Gwen’s wearing that top for a reason, and that it’s not just the most unflattering top in the world ever. Because, seriously, if it’s not some kind of maternity wear item, then the picture behind the cut certainly makes it look like one…
I can’t believe I only just discovered PrettyBallerinas.com. I mean, where has it been all my life? I could’ve picked about a dozen pairs of shoes to show you here: I’ve gone with this pair because, well, my love of red shoes (and bows, come to think of it) is well documented by now, but seriously, I don’t think there’s a bad pair of shoes on there. They’re all ballerina flats, they’re all pretty (naturally), and they’re all priced between about £50 – £70. And they’re all mine – well, in my dreams, anyway…
OK, OK… Now we know that the Cheap Monday jeans shown above have been selling out all over the shop. We know that, thanks to Kate Moss’s puzzling appearance at London Fashion Week, when she turned up dressed as Simon Cowell, in high waisted jeans and grey T-Shirt, the high waist is back with a vengeance. (Thanks, Kate). But we’re just not buyin’ it. Literally. Take it from us, the high waisted jean flatters (almost) no one. It has the power to make even skinny women look pregnant, and even although its everywhere at the moment, its sheer fugliness is just going to scream “FASHION VICTIM” every time you wear ‘em.
But, I mean, it’s up to you, of course. Wear them if you will. Just don’t be surprised when we come and cart you off to Fashion Jail.
Nope, your eyes do not deceive you (although they may well be bleeding if you’ve been looking at this picture for any length at all). That’s Scarlett Johansson, and yes, that’s a boiler suit she’s wearing, and ohmygod, there are no words.
