So, Paris Hilton has been charged, and, if we were living in an alternate universe, there’d be a chance that she could actually go to jail. Now, we all know that’s not going to happen: there’s just no way Paris will do time for her drink-driving offence, what do you think she is, an ordinary person or something? GOD.

Paris will be going to jail, though. Oh yes. She’ll be going to jail because we’re hereby arresting her for crimes against fashion in the form of these boots. “Moon boots” I believe they’re called. Well, whatever – the fact is that you’re not on the moon, Paris, and you’re not even in Aspen or Val d’Isere, or some other ski resport where these would be even just a tad more acceptable. No, Paris, you’re in LA, and this? This is not on young lady. Forget the fine, go straight to fashion jail. Do not pass ‘Go’, do not collect your £200…